[Critique Group 1] Leonard's belated comments re: Cleora's Sept piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

This Chapter could be entitled, Dragon Feast. The captor seems dedicated to that description. Iliked the way you’ve described how the creature was divided  up and prepared.  Some sentences could be simplified and/orbroken up into smaller ones.  The paragraphseparations and quotation spacing is much better.  I think that when the story is completed, youcould benefit  by reading the whole storyfrom beginning to end. You’ll probably find a lot to edit and re-write. That’sjust the way it goes.

 

Sitting Duck, a visually impaired fowl who finds itdifficult to do duck like things because of her poor sight, befriended acripple grasshopper on her way walking south for the winter.

 

Somehow, she and her grasshopper friend wondered into astrange world where trolls, avains, Halflings, humans, elves, fairies, dwarves,and undead all live together in one kingdom made up of provinces of a singlerace.
   
   - The duck’s province is not a single race.

 

The rulers of the individual provinces elect one to bemonarch of the Kingdom.

 

Unfortunately, Sitting and her grasshopper friend havewondered into the land at a time when they are at war with a stronger evilkingdom bent on their destruction.

 

The enemy kingdom has a pattern of starting to destroy whichever province is ruled by the kingdom's monarch.

 

The rulers have elected Sitting to be their monarch figuringthat if she and her province are destroyed, it will be no big loss.

 

Sitting must prove herself a worthy monarch by finding a wayout of the situation.

 

Part Four: A stuffed Duck

 

“Don't worry, you will be fine. We have all been new at thisthe first time. The tools of this land are smart. You can ask them anything.Also, feel free to call on me and Regis if there is something you don'tunderstand. I'm sure Sir Dragon will also be willing to help as soon as he getshis own province back in order.” 

 

“What is the grey area on the globe?” asked grasshopper.

 

“That is land that has been captured by our warriors. Itwill be added to our kingdom. The province that captured it will receive foodand taxes produced by the peasants on the new land. If you capture supplies, asin the recent battle, you will receive any food, gold, and supplies the armyyou defeated had.”

 

"Would you like to try and send a message, now?”

 

They heard a buzzing and turned around to see some beesbehind them.

 

“Please pardon the interruption, my liege,“ said one of thebees. "Sir Regis has the dragon on the bank and wants to know what youwant done with it.”

 

“I think we need to have a meeting. Can I send a message toeveryone in the kingdom?”

 

“What is your message?” asked the crystal ball.

 

Sitting stared at the ball, then looked up at Dark Merlin.He nodded. “You got it,” he said with a grin.

 

Sitting turned back to the ball. “Everyone meet on the bankof the crystal pond ASAP.”

 

“Are you ready to send it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Message sent.”

 

Sitting felt numb and like things were out of control as shegot up and her and Merlin 

followed the swarm of bees down to the crystal pond.
   
   - Shouldn’t that be (she) and Merlyn?

 

Regis and the others had the dragon stretched out along thebank. A tusk as long as she was tall protruded from the mouth of the only headshe could see. The body of the beast stretched away from the castle.

 

“Wow!” said Grasshopper. "its tail spike is as tall asa tree.”

 

Regis walked up. “We can cut into the vein from a spotbehind the ear and drain the blood into some barrels.” He stood looking at her.

 

Sitting stared back at him, her mind whirling with fear andconfusion. “Um, I wonder if the hide could be made into suits of mail thatwould fit a thirty foot warrior.”

 

“I could do that for you,” announced Dog Breath. “I coulduse those tusks and tail spikes if you don't want them.”

 

Sitting took a deep breath, a plan forming in her mind. “Itwould be nice to have a trophy of this experience. 

 

I thought about the heads mounted on the walls in thereceiving room, but I see they are too big.”
   
   - This should be a quote.

 

“I think one of the heads along with the shoulders could bemounted on top of the castle,” said Regis. “I'm going to have to lift it up bythe tail to drain all the blood. I could just drop it on the castle, if youlike.”

 

After some discussion and negotiation, a joyous Regis endedup with 200 barrels of dragon blood, Dog breath took the tusks of all but oneof the dragon heads, and the three tail spikes. Dark Merlin helped Regis mountthe dragon so that it looked like one of the heads was peering down from thecastle, the front claws gripped the edge of the roof, and the wings stretched outabove like it was just about to pounce on anyone approaching the castle. DarkMerlin took a supply of the fire wine from the spoils from the army Sitting haddefeated. Dog Breath made up 200 suits of mail from the dragon hide.

 

The dragon meat was cut into stakes for the trolls, thesmaller parts into squares for shish kebabs for the fairies, avian,  andHalflings, the shoulders and hind quarters made some nice roasts for thedwarves, humans, and elves. Everyone was invited to the feast of barbequedragon with all the trimmings and all you could drink.
   
   - Dragon tastes best when grilled, and dragon feet are good in soup.

 

While they feasted, Sitting talked with the other rulers.She learned it was possible to hire the dragons in the land to attack anotherkingdom; the kingdom gained or lost gold, goods, and land depending on theoutcome of battles; some creatures in the land were professional thieves,sorcerers, or warriors; and that they all worked together to help each other todefend and advance their kingdom. Her job as monarch was to lead the kingdom,and negotiate with other kingdom rulers and monarchs.

 

“How much will it take and how do we hire a dragon?” askedSitting.

 

“The Overloards have set the price for our kingdom at 18million gold coins. Our kingdom gets the gold together, decide what kind ofdragon we want, and then hire the dragon,” said Lady Doom of the Scarlet Witch.

 

“What kind of dragons are there?”

 

“There are ruby, emerald, Sapphire, and gold dragons. Idon't remember which does what,” said Dark Merlin.

 

“All dragons will attack and devour soldiers and peasants,but some dragons have additional powers. Emerald dragons have an aura that mystifies their prey. Sapphire dragons block magic spells. Gold dragonsburn crops and buildings. Ruby dragons only toast and eat living creatures,”said Sir Dragon. “I considered sending one when I first took over as monarch.”But, I didn't have the money to fund it, and I feared Silent Enigma wouldn'taccept the peace offer if we sent a dragon.”

 

All ate and drank to the fullness of their capacity, 

 

The ant colony from the rear of the castle showed up in fullforce to clear away all the crumbs left over from the celebration.

 

By the time the party was over, Sitting’s gizzard was fullerthan she could ever remember it being, she understood more about the land shehad wondered into, made friends among its residents, and her barns were filledto the brim with supplies to last for a month or more. She was particularlyhappy about the dragon meat. Fruits and grain was fine for the rest of hersubjects, but the dragon meat was more to her taste. She bad all her newfriends goodbye and a weary sitting waddled her way up the stairs to one of thebedrooms in the castle. Grasshopper hopped off her head and together theycrawled under the bed and went to sleep.

 

Next morning, Sitting was awakened by an urgent buzzing. “Myliege, My liege,” Queen bee was saying.

 

“What?” asked a sleepy Sitting.

 

“I am so sorry to wake you, but I have urgent news.

 

To be continued

 

 

 

 

 
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