[Critique Group 1] cleora's comments for march 2018 session

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

comments for Deanna
Again, you show us how Tammy helped you grow and have the courage of your convictions.
I think I need a leader dog
I'm curious, other people who have described their leader dog being attacked have never mentioned the dog trying the submission posture.
Is this just something Tammy did on her own?
what is 3 dimensional art?
I didn't think it could be sculpture. You would have said sculpture. Maybe to mention something you worked on would help the reader. However, it’s not real important.
Yes, men will use any excuse they think might work 
I applaud your showing your conviction to your values at such a young age.
Hopefully, this will encourage young readers to have the same courage.

[comments for Marsha
I don't think I would want to send my child to the kind of school you describe.
It sounds like schools don't have time to teach for dealing with feeding students, dealing with discipline problems, and doing laundry.
While guns in the classroom have actually been successfully implemented in some schools, You bring up some very good arguments for why this would not work for all schools.
You do not offer a suitable solution to the problem of possible attacks from outside.
Remembering that there are many kinds of tools a person that wants to do harm can use, we need a viable solution. Not opposition to every proposal.
Why not explore why after over two centuries, this is happening on an almost daily basis.
You mention "summon" twice. Perhaps the second time, Call security...
Shortly after this point the piece becomes somewhat repetitive and digresses.
You have made your point.
Guns in the classroom are a bad idea on multiple levels.
Time to wrap it up.
In the face of the day-to-day chaos, how do we deal with an external attack by someone who is not  going to listen to reason.
Counseling, calling 911, and other cool headed options are out the window. What do we do now to keep the students and faculty safe?

[comments for Leonard
This is crazy.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
A period is missing in one of the Dr Flugal
Now for the deeper meaning.
I see Leonard the counselor all over this piece.
This is a fun way to talk about the social blindness those who are visually impaired deal with on a regular basis.
While some do not relate to this type of piece, many will. The writing draws the reader in and gives him something to think about.
There are so many messages and subtle meanings and I'm sure I didn't catch them all.
I'm not sure the continued references to the patient platforms actually contributes to the piece.
The matter of the wet platforms is interesting, but I don't think it is relevant. Consider having them sit on a donut cushion or the floor with their tentacles wrapped around them.
It got a little tedious about two-thirds of the way through, but it is great.
You might look at how you can combine some thoughts to shorten it.
By the way. Do you know what goes
clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, squish?
An octopus missing one shoe.

[comments for Sally
first read through
It is lyrical and engaging.
as well as amusing
Then, I read it again
There must be a meaning for Cornish and Moore that I'm unaware of
I decided that Macintosh didn't refer to a computer 
I did look up Macintosh, and found the raincoat to be one meaning but I didn't get the connection until we discussed it in the session.
two-up and two-down stone cottages has no meaning for me
Maybe a footnote or several for those who are unfamiliar with this culture.
The impression I get is of family history and traveling to a new world and the need to write the history.
Then we seem to shift to pain and tragedy of modern day
I'm not sure if we are traveling around the world or through life
Then comes the surrender to write it after all.
I think This is much more literary than I am able to appreciate.
It leaves me feeling sad