[Critique Group 1] March 28 critiques

[DQ Noriega]

Cleora, Ci

Ty Ducks

It won't be clear to the average reader what sighted guide means. You could
explain it or describe it. Sharon was walking with Julie. Because Julie had
low vision, she was leading her by having Julie rest her hand on Sharon's
elbow. This put Sharon a step ahead and thus made it possible for Julie to
follow her friend easily. Or: Sharon and Julie were walking together. Julie
rested her hand on Sharon's elbow to gain information about what was coming
up. This is called walking sighted guide.

 

Does Julie have enough vision to watch the turtle laying eggs or count
ducks? This isn't clear. You over used the word said. You can use things
like replied, commented, quipped, joked, or any word to indicate a response.

The transition between the scene where Jack describes the nutria and the one
later when Sharon and Julie are again walking later in the fall is rough. If
you don't want to change the wording, you could separate each scene with a
series of asterics to indicate a new scene. 

I liked the ending. 

 

Marcia,

Teaching Tolerance

This was well written and timely. People are trying to find answers to make
school the safe place it has previously been for the young. I like the
common sense approach to defuse and help students deal with the pressures of
being young and students. I have no suggestions.

 

Sally,

The Pursuit

 

I liked the view into the writer's mind. I especially liked the double
meaning of the title. It captured being pursued by your characters and their
insistence on telling their stories. Writing is also a pursuit or activity
in itself. I think this would be a good article to be put in Magnets and
Ladders in the section about the writers' craft.

 

Leonard,

Leagally Aura Blind

This was a clever, humorous, playful story. It had a nice tongue-in-cheek
element or back story about living with a visual impairment in a sighted
world. I especially liked the reference to a sixth sense the disabled are
supposed to have because of their disability. Well dohne and great fun too.

 

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