[Critique Group 1] Cleora's comments for 2/28/18 session

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for DeAnna
I recognize this as a rewrite of the winning submission for the Romance Contest last year.
I note that Tammy didn't seem to be concerned about poppa bears temper.
You might could remove the sentence "He seemed dull to them.  "
and add the word "dull" to the previous sentence. “liked such a quiet, dull person..."
I think this will work. We are reading about how your friends viewed him.
Again, you are showing your growing maturity in knowing what you want and not being willing to accept what others think you should settle for.
Kirk is showing the attributes of how the most helpful people relate to the blind as defined in the Hadley psychology course.
As for the maternal grandfather, the idea that women only went to college for an MRS degree was common in those days. It didn't have a lot to do with your being blind. 
I remember being taken aside and gently enlightened to the fact that computer was a male profession. I was encouraged to take secretarial, short hand, English,  and charm courses. It was fine for me to  work in an office. I would be an asset to the company by being the sweet, attractive first thing the customer saw when he came in.
your step father has a step father? 
It would have been easier to have quietly gone and sought out a justice of the peace and then just come home and told everyone you were married.
I love the account of the creative marketing of the hotel.
Just about the time I started thinking about renaming the chapter the perils of Pauline, you mentioned that very thing in the piece.
This piece is a little different from the one submitted for the contest. I don't think the name quite fits it anymore.
how about would the real bride and groom please stand up

[comments for Marsha 
I have never heard of someone staying stuck in one mood for that long. The people I know that have a bi-polar friend or family member give me the impression that the  changes come weekly or even daily.
They never know when the person will erupt into someone they don't know.
The point seems to be your adjustment to these changes in your husbands temperament. 
Can you show us the process of growth that led you to the present acceptance of the changes in your husbands temperament?
There is a trigger for this change in the people I know about.
Can you identify anything that might have triggered it?
Right now it just seems to be a recount of something that happens.
You could round out the account by showing how you have come to deal with the situation. Or, if he has recognized the change and agreed to find a way to make it easier for you. For a good story the main character needs to grow or change in some way.

comments for Sally
I read this a couple of times. 
I feel the sadness and loss.
There are probably changes that would make it better, but I don't know what they are.

[comments for Leonard
Since horses are something I know a little about, I am touched by this poem about 3 old, perhaps put out to pasture and forgotten, horses stomping around and grazing on  
dry dead grass.
Your compassion to feed them what you can from the green grass out of their reach.
The one horse thanking you in the only way she could.
I'm not quite sure why there is green grass on the outside but not inside the pasture.
I can’t tell for sure if you reached up and hugged the mares’ neck and perhaps patted her or not. This is what I would expect you to do.