[Critique Group 1] Critique June 27

[DQ Noriega]

Marcia

You Too!

This was a difficult piece to write. It rings true and might help others. I
am appalled that the center you were sent too was so concerned with a
punitive attitude that their attitude spilled over into abusing the victims.
I suspect that the occurences of child molestation are far higher than the
statistics indicate. As a victim myself, I worked hard to protect my
daughters without terrifying them. I never told my mother and at least your
daughter trusted you enough to tell you This is well written.

 

Cleora

The Legend of Sly Duck-Part 1.

Ducks generally eat both animal and vegetable foods. They do eat bugs and
other small living things, such as minnows, tadpoles etc. I think she would
also eat grains, seeds, I remember feeding my grandfather's ducks corn Ducks
in parks will eat popcorn, bread or chips tossed to them as well. You might
say: She went hungry unless things to eat were close enough to her to be
easily seen. You have the word quickly written with an exclamation point in
the middle of it.

I think you can leave the words And So off the sentence and just write: The
flock lifted into the air, leaving Sitting Duck behind. Perhaps waggling
instead of wagging her tail. Wagging is more like what a dog does. Wiggling
might also work.

Be careful of run-on sentences. Be careful not to over use words. Leaving
out extraneous words will make the story flow better and not confuse
anything. I would use plan of defense or something like that.

You have an extra space between the quotation mark and the word if.

It needs a little tightening up, but overall, it is a good start.

 

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