[Critique Group 1] cleora's notes for group 1 1/31/18 session

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for DeAnna
I notice a lot of passive verbs
I think The first part focusing on more of Tammy's antics could be left out.
I know that Tammy is a remarkable dog and even though the antics are different it is starting to sound like more of the same.
One of the courses I took said the story should be about the protagonist and how he or she changes. Tammy should be a supporting character.
I feel the piece really starts when you begin to describe how the family has gone on without you.
This is describing how you are becoming an individual and preparing to have a family and life of your own independent of your family.
misspelled word shuffle my feet
Maybe the poem could be on the facing page where the reference to dancing is, or at the beginning of the chapter.
I like the poem, but I personally, don't like the poem breaking the text.
I do like the way you announced it before beginning the poem.

[comments for Marsha
Is this part of a bigger work?
I have read that every part of a larger work should be a story scene with a beginning middle and end of its own.
I think names of newspapers are supposed to be in italics
I was expecting maybe a sexual harassment or something.
It ends abruptly and I am left unsatisfied.
In a story, the main character needs to grow or change in some way. I think you could develop the part where the editor let you come along this time. How did that help push your career as a journalist?

[comments for Sally
I enjoyed the piece.
You mentioned that the waitress shuffled and rearranged furniture to accommodate your dogs and the wheelchair. I get the impression that she wasn't uncomfortable or confused when it came time to take your order.
I'm not sure why you left that part out but wonder if it might add to the piece to describe how she took your order without being rattled by waiting on 2 people with disabilities.
You mentioned that you eat there a lot and she knew you. Why not mention this? 

[comments for Leonard
I think the meaning of the poem comes through  
I am uncomfortable with salty tears
but, then, I don't care much for poetry. A true poetry lover might find it more meaningful.