[Critique Group 1] (no subject)

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for Deanna
I think this is the best one yet.
I chuckled all the way through it as you described Tammy's jealousy and reluctance to share you with a permanent roommate.
I don’t think she thought she needed ...
Maybe
Her actions showed she didn't want help...
sharing our home with a third person...
I think you are counting Tammy as a person, but maybe another person instead of a third person.
It makes it sound like thare are more than you kirk and Tammy.
At the end, you seem to start off on another description of behavior then suddenly, it stops.
Consider a cliff hanger to encourage the reader to go on to the next chapter
According to a show "what color is your dog" Tammy is a classic "orange" dog. She sees Kirk as trying to take over her job.
Putting together what I learned in that show, and what I'm learning about guide dogs, I wonder if one reason the dogs are retired after a few years, they get older and graduate in to the "yellow" dog range and lose the pep and enthusiasm for doing the job.

[comments for Marsha
Viviane 
At first, I didn't recognize the title for the first one
At first I wanted to put a dash or something between 
Velveteen wings and the color of caramel top off your bright yellow coat.
after I read it several times and looked more closely at the other lines, it became more readable.
It might be the screen reader, but you might want to look at this line.
You and Me
Suggest adding a first line to show who is talking
for example
I watch you, my tail still.
It's not clear who is shouting.
The transitions are very rough. I had to read it about six times before I got that it starts with the dog observing an argument between two people.
now, the human is talking to the dog
Maybe it would help to put this in quotes.
"You heard me yelling, but I’m not mad at you.
is missing an ending quote.
Leave out "I murmured"
or put
you murmur, scratching my velvet ears.
It switches back and forth between the dog and the person.
I think it needs to be written from one point of view only.
I would pick the dog since it seems to be about the dog and her concern about what is going on
These two poems are ok separately, but I think they would work very well together putting "You and Me" first followed by the acrostic.

[comments for Leonard
I'm going to go out on a limb with this.
You have done a couple of poems recently that give me this same impression.
I would describe this as a very dark poem reminiscing about a by gone era that is best left by-gone.
I almost think it is talking about the time before the fall, then it appears to be talking about the time of slavery.
It speaks of crusaders taking the gospel to savages and then taking advantage of them while they are at it.
It is all over the place. 
Or, another way to look at it is, the good old days you want to go back to are the time before the fall.
Indeed, there is a plan for that.