[Critique Group 1] my comments for the 8/23/17 session

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for Deanna 
I think the little neighborhood boy could use a spanking.
you  could leave out the sentence about Tammy being an eager learner.
or you could make it a phrase. Tammy, an eager learner, could attach a word to any object...
This whole paragraph is wordy. 
Even out of harness, she took care of me and rapidly won my praise by ...
and then list the different things she did.
You mention her reaction to your dad. I wondered about this behavior when you mentioned something in one of the earlier pieces.
Tammy was indeed unique. As I understand it, they try to breed any aggression out of dogs to be used as guide dogs.
You use the word "seemed" several times. I think it is unnecessary.
She met my step-father's desire to know that I was amply protected when, one day when he was annoyed that I hadn't cleaned up after the family breakfast, he banged open the door to my bed room. He barely got out a few loud words before Tammy, who was tethered to my bed, before she leaped toward him towing the bed behind her, and stood before him with her hair standing on end and emitting a menacing growl.
.He promptly backed out closing the door behind him and saying he would tell me later.
What you were doing doesn't really add anything to the story.
While she was very gentle with children and considered everyone a potential friend, this was not the only time she stepped up to defend me against someone or something she considered to be a threat.
half brother should be hyphenated I believe
At first I was thinking the story about going shopping was unnecessary. Then as I read on I felt like you were trying to describe the closeness of your family and how you were about to leave that for an uncertain journey into the unknown.
The information about the family history moves away from showing the closeness of your family. It's like you are headed away from what you have been saying.
I think you want to show how Tammy helped you with this adjustment.

[comments for Marsha
It reminds me of some experiences with my own dad after he got older and no longer able to take care of himself.
I would change the sentences "thank the lord"
when talking about the driving
to Thankfully, Dad with Alzheimer’s ..
But, neither do I.
You have explained what is going on. Now, how about
Meanwhile, my husband will go for take-out and be back for us in an hour.
each time, Instead of "thank the Lord"
say, another blessing or thing to be thankful for.
conclude with church must be good for me, I reflect, as I find myself praying once again.
Now, use the "thank the Lord"

[comments for Mary Joe
I thought the line breaks made it choppy 
I did look at the attachment and it was the same as what I found in the email
should there be abut after the line
like to be, am a woman,
It made me wonder if the person was slightly color blind and maybe you were sitting so he didn't know it was a pant suit.
Oops. I'm assuming it is a guy.
maybe  an older gentleman that always assumes a lady is wearing a dress.
for years I thought my living room and hall carpet were green. a few years ago someone told me it is brown

[comments for Kevin
This speaks of the many things women retarded handicapped & mental persons in this country and some others have to be thankful for.
in the past these people were subjected to untold injustices and indignities because of the intolerance of the able.
The rule of thumb comes from it being illegal for a man to beat his wife with a stick bigger around than his thumb.
in some countries women are still regarded as property and a man often treats his animals better.
There are religions (or cults) even today where women are regarded as little more than brood mares, have no rights whatsoever and may be flogged for the most trivial of reasons.
In the past, many women have been forced to choose between a life of prostitution or starve if she didn't have a family or someone who would take her in.
the word it’s in the line sally wasn't really silent should have an apostrophe. It's a contraction for it is
I should be one word
You start out with an introduction spend some time stating the issue and do have a conclusion of sorts but I think it needs to be strengthened. It's sort of like you aren't sure you have a point. 
you have presented the issue, made an argument for the issue.
but, what is your point?
Probably sally and Billie were not really traded. But, I can't help but wonder what the traders that got Sally and Billie would do with them.