[Critique Group 1] May Critique session

[DQ Noriega]

I am struggling to get my laptop back in commission. Meantime, I have dusted
off my old desktop computer and am using a new email address to make
communication possible. I don't like trying to write long messages on my
IPhone!

 

Cleora:

Well crafted. Catches the helplessness of children when adults don't listen.
Also does a good job of handling the sense of shame that kept the boy from
entering the store again even though he hadn't meant to steal the tractor.
There are just a couple of minor minor typo fixes. When the little sister
says "I need to show you something." You need to put in opening and closing
quotation marks around the words. Come out of the store needs a period
instead of a comma after it. 

 

Mary Jo:

Very evocative of childhood. It captures the innocent cruelty of children
and the confusion of observing but not understanding. One small spellcheck
issue, You wrote (sower) when I think you meant (sourer) when describing
eating the candy. 

 

Marcia:

Gentle picture of dealing with a loved one with dementia. The charm and the
humor of the father still flashes through. The patience of the daughter with
the repetious behaviors and thoughts because it isn't on purpose and it is a
fact of life for many who are dealing with this condition. 

Now for the little corrections. There needs to be an opening quotation mark
before the phrase, (You didn''t vote for Trump.)

Good piece.

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Quieth2o at charter.net

 

 

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