[Critique Group 1] Critiques for Group1

[DeAnna Noriega]

Sorry this took so long to send, I got snowed under and lost my notes until
this morning.

 

Cleora:

I thought the first sentence should be changed to begin the humor because at
first it sounded like a real diagnosis of a recognized condition. I suggest:
"I think I have contracted a previously unrecognized mental health
condition." I liked the pacing and gentle humor.

 

Kate: 

I thought they seemed to spend too much time eating and not enough exploring
the other attractions. I was at first confused by the line mentioning
Crackers lying at Grace's feet. I was unsure if this was actual crackers, a
pet cat or what. The dialogue seemed a bit stilted and lacked authenticity
of real young people's voices. I wanted to know more about them, what they
looked like and mannerisms.

 

Marilyn:

Mom and Dad didn't self identify. Dad did say his wife's name is Diana, but
Mom mentioned Dennis without telling us he was her husband. Perhaps Mamie
could introduce all of the Smith family and give names as part of her
introduction. 

 njoyed the piece and thought the pacing was excellent.

 

Mary Jo, Loved this piece it had just the right amount of humor and pathos.

 

Terry:

I didn't like the word share light, thought it should be something like
"Moonbeams probewith soft silver light."

Butterflies didn't seem to fit the idea of galaxies of stars, perhaps fire
flies would work better.

Otherwise, the poem worked well. 

Thanks,

DeAnna

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