[Critique Group 1] (no subject)

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Sorry I am late getting these sent. The last week of the month is the busiest for me and I have been absolutly swampped the last 3 days.

#1 Marilyn 
Seventy-Seven and Holding
I feel the sense of loss and helplessness. Something we will all face unless we are blessed to die before it happens. 
I think the point comes across nicely.
I am disappointed that there is no hint of a resolution to the stress being caused by the obvious lack of care being provided by the hired care giver.
Could you somehow work in a visit by the primary care giver while she is there. This would give witness to what is going on and relieve the person of possibly not being believed if she complains.
Even though this takes even more power away, it does give assurance of loving support.
I'm not a poet so I'll leave that critique to others.

#2 mary joe
Community Radio
I love it.
it seems to be missing something.
I think it needs a greater variety of things the radio station promises to cover.
Somehow, after the first section, it seems to fall apart and the items and their significance less distinct.
Sorry I can't be more specific. It is just a feeling I can't quite put my finger on.

#3 kathryngc
The Baby Can’t Go Home
Is Ken sighted? 
On the home visit, my first thought was that they now had the baby at home and the SW was comeing to evaluate how well everything was going.
I reread the part where Ken doesn't know what the SW thought and the nurse comes in several times before I realized the CW was visiting the home to evaluate it for the baby to come home.
I don't have a problem with the SW not having a name. I think this adds to the sense of her remote coldness and strengthens the clear impression she is searching desperately wor any reason to denigh this couple their baby.
However, adding the things suggested by others would not necessarily take away from this.
However, I think the focus needs to stay on the couple and the SW be less of a central character. The story should be about Grace and her baby. Steve can be a strong supporting charactre 
Adding sensory input from Grace would help to make what is happening more real and bring the reader more into what is going on.
Nice ending. 
Tension and uncertainty as to what is going on, Then, the joyful realization that they will be able to keep their baby.
Perfect. 

#4 DeAnna  - 
traditions
As I read, I just feel like 
"Toby had thrown himself ..."
should begin a new paragraph.
I think
“You could try mom’s method to handle a tantrum, 
should end with a period and I dare you. a sentence by itself. Maybe even a new paragraph.
I don't know what the English rules are in this case. It is just the way my mind wants to read it.
I was disapointed that we didn't hear the apology from the 5 year old cementing the success of the procedure.
A good place to put this might be after Rafe  dusts off his trousers.
I think too much time is spent on the explanation. Maybe not, but I feel like the title and the "dare you" pretty much tells the readr that this has been tried with success many times before.
I'm not saying take it out completely. I think you don't need as much detail.
It is amazing how well this works. It's like it forces children to realize that they are not the center of the world. I think maybe they also see what it looks like from another point of view. I did this one time spontaniously in a Wal Mart store one day when a 2 year old decided to scream as loud as he could just as I was rolling by in one of the stores moterized carts. I turned my face toward him and screamed just as loud as I could right back at him. head I didn't do it on purpose. It just happened. But, the reaction and look on the babies face was priceless. I don't know if this cured him of screaming in the grocery store or not but we didn't hear any more from him while we were there shopping.
The adult with him, don't know if it was his mother, was speachless. But, she didn't seem to disapprove.
cleora