[Critique Group 1] Piece for critique

[DeAnna Noriega]

Which Breed Is the Best Dog?

(I saw this question on Facebook as a forwarded item without a byline making
a comparison between Labrador and golden retrievers. I added the German
Shepherds and expanded the comparisons.)

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Golden retrievers must be touching you at all times. Labs want to touch you
at all times. German Shepherds have to see you at all times. If they had a
job, Golden retrievers would be social workers. If they had a job, labs
would be stand up comedians. If they had a job, German shepherds would be
nannies. 

Golden retrievers must be Catholics; they understand the need to confess
their guilt. Labs must be protestants, "What guilt?" German Shepherds must
be agnostics, "I only did what was necessary." 

Golden retrievers need attention. Labs want attention. German Shepherds
demand attention. 

If Golden retrievers could talk, they would be constantly saying, "I love
you! I love you! And if you came home and found a broken lamp, they would
say, "I'm a bad dog! I must have broken it even if I was outside the whole
time! Oh No, you are unhappy!"  If Labs could talk, they would constantly be
saying, "Love me! Love Me!" And if you came home to find a broken lamp, they
would say, "Broken lamp? Yup, I was having tons of fun and I broke it! Want
to see me break the other one? "If German Shepherds could talk they would be
constantly saying, "Where are you going, be careful! Let me help you with
that!" And if you came home to find a broken lamp, they would declare, I
told him not to do it, but the cat broke the lamp anyway!" 

Golden retrievers -- long hair-on your clothes, in your food, on your couch,
in your bed . everywhere! Labs -short hair-on your clothes, in your food, on
your couch, in your bed.everywhere! German Shepherds - multi-colored
hair--on your clothes, in your food, on your couch, in your bed.everywhere!

Golden retrievers brush daily; Labs, blow their coats at least twice a year,
take them to a groomer for a bath spring and fall, basically wash and wear.
German Shepherds are walking fur factories capable of creating huge dust
bunnies that are intelligent enough to hide until you put the vacuum cleaner
away. You might just consider giving these names and making them members of
the family. 

Golden Retrievers plead with their lovely eyes to be fed, because if food is
around they must have some. Labrador Retrievers are always hungry and
believe almost anything will make a nice snack. German shepherds refuse to
believe you really want them to eat kibble since it is obviously survival
rations to be stored indefinitely for a major catastrophe. 

 

 

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