[Critique Group 1] boe: Critique 1: resubmit in body of e-mail

[kathryngc at juno.com]

Below is my story for July 27. I hope the format is kept as I wrote it.
If not, comment on as much or as little of the content as you wish.
Happy Writing,
Kate

#Grace, Martha, and The Sleep Shirt Solution
   Grace sat near the open window listening for car tires on her gravel
driveway. She'd put on her favorite tee shirt with the embroidered
flowers around the neck. Her shorts were the same pale blue of the
bumpiest flowers. She carefully strung macaroni, bells and buttons for a
friendship necklace to give her cousin. The cousin she'd never even met.
   "How old is Martha, Mom?"  she asked as a whiff of perfume whisked
past.
   "You are three days younger than Martha," her Mom said  placing the
vase of peonies on the dining room table. "My sister and I were pregnant
at the same time.” 
   "If she is family,"  Grace asked, jingling a little bell and pausing
her project just long enough to pat the sleeping puppy at her feet, "how
come we've never had parties with them?"
   "Well, the Army keeps its people on the move."  her Mom answered.
"They are only here on a four week leave. Tonight they'll be with us.
Other nights they'll be with the rest of the family."
   "Why does...?" she began but stopped as she heard a car on the gravel
driveway. "They're here!"
   The grown-ups hugged and kissed and cried. She felt their wet hugs and
kisses but there weren't any child-size hugs.
   Grace felt the excited tug of Goldie's leash. The 5 month old Golden
Retriever saw Martha pretending to be asleep in the car. Grace followed
Goldie's tug and went over to the open car door with her.
   Martha laid very still thinking Grace would never know the difference.
Goldie could see her, though  and smothered her in wet puppy kisses until
she dissolved into giggles.
   "Hi,"  said Grace. "Are you Martha?"
   "Yuck!" Martha said. "My lips touched dog lips!  What's the dumb dog's
name?"
   "Goldie,"  Grace said. "We're raising her to be a guide dog. She's the
third one we've had. I'll get a real guide dog when I'm 16."
   "Cool," Martha said as she got out of the car. She was soon covered
with Grace's parents' hugs and kisses along with Goldie's.
 Grace and Martha sat at a special table just for kids. It was noisy at
the big table as their parents caught up on all the family news.
   It was quiet at the kids table. 
   "If you can't see,"  Martha blurted out,  "how can you eat?"
   "Usually I can smell what I'm eating, "Grace said, "and sometimes Mom
will tell me what's on my plate; Like a clock."
   "Oh," Martha said, swiping Grace's pickle chips.
   After dinner when everyone was just sitting around, Martha suggested
they play Charades. It was a game she and her parents had played often.
She was good at it, too.
   "Well," Martha's Mom said, "let's do something that Grace can do."
   "I like Charades," Grace said. "Mom, can I get the game box?"
   "You sure can," her Mom said. 
   "If she can't see,"  Martha said, "how can she guess at what we are
doing?"
   "As you act it out, we call out our guesses,"  Mom answered,  "Grace
is very good at drawing conclusions. She often beats us to the correct
answer."
   Martha did not call out her guesses. She did not like being beaten at
the game she had suggested. She especially didn't like having to wear a
macaroni necklace.
   When it was time for bed, Grace and Martha put Goldie in her wire
crate in the kitchen.
   "If you're so sure you can't see,"  Martha said, "then how can you
take care of a dog?"
   "Mom always puts Goldie's food in the same place. I use a cup to scoop
the right amount," Grace said. 
   "Why can't she sleep with us?"  Martha wanted to know.
   "It's part of her training,"  Grace said. "Mom says this is part of my
training, too."
   Their folks came in to say good night. 
   "Are you two girls too big for a bed-time story?" Grace's Mom asked. 
   "Oh, Mom,"  Grace said, "could  Martha and I read it to you?"
   "Read?" Martha frowned. "How can YOU read THEM a story if you can't
see?"
   "Look,"  Grace said reaching over to the book shelf near her bed. "You
read one page in print, I'll read one page in braille."
**
   When Martha thought everyone was asleep, she got out of her cot and
went to see Goldie. The puppy was awake and wagging her tail at the sight
of someone to play with.
   Quietly she unlatched Goldie's crate and took her out onto the porch.
Goldie nibbled the macaroni necklace that was still around Martha's neck.
Martha took it off herself and put it on Goldie. She had to wrap it
around twice so it wouldn't fall off. 
   A sound in the back meadow caught Goldie's attention. She took off at
a run to check it out. Martha called to her but she did not return.
Martha was afraid to go off the porch in the dark.
   "The dumb dog will be back when it's hungry," she muttered and went
back to her cot. 
   Grace was the first one up in the morning. She put a robe over her
sleep-shirt and quietly went downstairs to feed Goldie. She felt for the
crate's latch. It was unhooked. She felt for the dog's familiar soft fur
and wet nose. Goldie wasn't in her crate. She wasn't in the kitchen. Her
leash was on its hook but Goldie didn't come when Grace called her. 
   A cool morning breeze came through the kitchen screen door. She knew
her Mom always closed and locked that door.
   "Mom?"  she softly called. "Is Goldie with you?"  No one answered. 
   Grace felt the latch on the screen door.
   "Hello,"  she said stepping out onto the porch. The morning mist was
wet on her cheeks.
   "Goldie,"  she called. "Goldie, come."
   "Where's Goldie?"  Martha's voice made Grace jump.
   "I don't know," Grace said. "I came down to feed her and she was
already out but her leash is on its hook. Do you see her?"
   "No,"  Martha said. "It's too foggy to see anything."
   "I'm going to look for her,"  Grace said.
   "Wait,"  said Martha. "If you can't see, how can you find her?"
   "I've been all over the meadow with my long, white cane," Grace said.
"Are you coming?"
   "No,"  Martha said. "The fog is too thick for me to see anything."
   "Well, I can't see anything either,"  Grace snapped. "Now are you
going to help me look for Goldie or not?"
   The girls stepped off the porch hand in hand.
   Grace swished her cane from left to right and back again. After many
steps she heard a clunk and the cane stopped.
   "Here is the stone we use for first base,"  Grace told Martha.
"Goldie, come."
   "First base?"  Martha said in surprise. "How can blind kids play
baseball?"
   "We play kick baseball. Dad and I use a ball with a beep in it." 
Grace whispered. "Be quiet. Did you hear something?  A little bell?"
   "No,"  a worried Martha said.
   Swish, swish went Grace's cane again as they moved farther away from
the porch and its safety. An eerie light came through the fog as the sun
sneaked a peak over the meadow.
   "It's creepy out here," Martha said. "I'm going back."  She looked
behind her. She had no idea which way was back.
   "If it looks creepy," Grace said," then don't look. Count steps with
me until we get to the old quarry at the edge of the meadow."
   Swish, swish. Martha  held Grace's hand a bit tighter and closed her
eyes. 
   Thunk.
   "Here is the ridge of rock at the edge of the meadow,"  Grace said,
knowing very well she was not allowed to be this near the old quarry.
"Goldie, come."
   "Grace, this is stupid,"  Martha said. "Your dumb dog is probably home
now. Let's go back..."
   "Sh, I heard something," Grace said. "Listen. Goldie, come."
   "I don't hear anything,"  Martha said. 
   "It's a bell,"  Grace said. "No, it's a whimper. Listen. Goldie,
come."
   "I hear it, too,"  Martha said. "Where's it coming from?"
   "This way," and Grace tapped carefully along the ridge of the old
quarry. She kept to the grass line, picking her steps carefully. Martha
kept in step with her. 
   "Goldie, come,"  Grace said every few feet and then listened for the
whimpering and the bell.
   They stopped.
   "Martha,"  she said, "what do you see?  Do you see Goldie?"
   Martha was surprised to find she still had her eyes closed!  She
blinked them open and said, "Oh, gosh, we're right at the edge of the
quarry. The fog isn't too bad here but I don't see Goldie."
   "Lay down on your belly and look over the edge," Grace told her. "It
sounds like we are right next to the sound. Listen. Goldie, come."
   "She's there,"  Martha called from the ground. "She's on a small
ledge. There's blood on her. She sees me. Her tail is wagging like
crazy!" 
   "I've heard the grown-ups talk about trails in and out of the quarry,"
 Grace said. "Do you see a way down to her?"
   "No,"  Martha said. "No, wait. There is one that stops just above
her."
   The girls held hands again and slowly made their way down the old
quarry path until  it stopped short of where the ledge was.
   "Goldie, come,"  Grace said. Goldie shook her head and whimpered.
   "What is wrapped around her nose, Grace?"  Martha asked.
   "You're asking me?"  she teased Martha  "You're the one with the good
eyeballs. What is it?"
   "It's the macaroni necklace," Martha quietly said. "mine."
   "Goldie, come,"  Grace Said again. "I hear her whimpering and the
necklace bells but why doesn't she come up here?"
   "She's sitting with her paw up," Martha said. "Her nose is bleeding
and her paws too. 
   Grace laid on her belly and poked her cane down onto the ledge.
   "It is an arm's length more than my cane,"  she said. "I'm going down
next to her. I'll push her up to you."  
   Before Martha could say anything, Grace had felt along the quarry wall
and was next to her puppy. 
   Grace felt Goldie's wet muzzle. She unwound the necklace and threw it
into the quarry. Goldie's lips began to bleed again but she showed her
delight by sliming Grace with kisses.
   Goldie refused to put weight on her one back paw and one front paw. 
   "She's too heavy for me to push up to you,"  Grace said. "I have an
idea. Can you come down here with me?"
   "If you can do it, I can do it, too," Martha said. 
**
   The adults had come down for breakfast and saw the girls were gone.
They thought they were giving Goldie a good run.
   "I'll call the girls in for breakfast," Grace's Mom said, placing a
platter of scrambled eggs and crisp bacon on the table.
   When there was no answer to her call she said, "It is not like Grace
to go so far from the house that she can't hear my call."
   Grace's Dad decided he'd best look for the girls before breakfast. He
and Martha's Dad walked all over the yard, not finding a sign of them.
   "You don't suppose they've gone exploring in the quarry, do you?"
Grace's Dad said. 
   When they came near the edge of the meadow where the rocks began to
show, they stopped dead in their tracks. 
   The girls were just getting to the top of the old trail, lugging a
sack of something between them.
   Goldie had been too heavy for Grace to push up to Martha, so, they'd
put her in Grace's over-sized sleep shirt. Then, the girls were able to
get a firm hold of the shirt and heft her up the trail.
   Goldie's tail had slipped out the neck-hole and her back legs poked
through the sleeves, but she hadn't fallen out. 
   The Dads stared in awe and amusement. The girls refused their help.
Goldie rode like a queen between her two favorite subjects.
   Once back in the kitchen, Grace's Dad thoroughly checked over Goldie.
   "She has only sprained her paws,"  he said. "I think she must have
landed on the ledge pretty hard. That's why her nose bled, too. She must
have cut her paws when she tried to scramble off the ledge. The string
had cut into her lips when she tried to work it off. I can't imagine how
she got that necklace."
   "She liked it,"  Martha said in a shaking voice. "so I put it around
her neck."  Then, with tears in her eyes, Martha told everyone what had
happened. "I'm sorry, Grace, I didn't mean to hurt Goldie."
   Grace and Martha gently gave Goldie a bath. She was soon fast asleep
under a blanket of sun in front of the window seat. One girl sat on each
side of her petting her soft, tan fur. The grown-ups looked over
occasionally as they finished their coffee.
   Grace remembered her box of macaroni, bells and buttons. It  was still
on the window seat. 
   "Martha," she said, "I'm sorry I threw the other necklace into the
quarry. Do you want another one?"
   "And I'll make one for you," Martha said nodding her head. 
   The time for saying good-bye came too quickly. Everyone hugged and
kissed everyone. Grace felt child-sized arms around her.
   "I'll write to you ," Grace said, hugging Martha.
   "If you can't see," Martha asked, "how can you ?"
   "I'll use my talking computer, silly,"  Grace laughed.
   "Mom," Martha asked as they held hands walking to the car, "can I
learn braille so I can write to Grace?"
            "Mom,"  Grace said as she heard the sound of the tires
crunching on the gravel fade away. "I always knew I had a cousin, but now
I know I have a new friend, too."
 

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