[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Alice's sub

[Leonard Tuchyner]

An interesting poem.  

It starts out one place and works its way to a differentsubject.  

I  likethe use of alliteration particularly. 

There are some flaws, or perhaps some typos ,however.   

The line that reads: 

f my poetic peripheral vision … 

Did you mean to say through instead if just anf. 

“The lost hearts and forever achinghearts,”  

contains hearts on the same line.  

Maybe you meant to say parts  instead of hearts two times and in so closeproximity. 

I like the concept of the  mirror lake 

as a device to use the   frazzled mood to create a poem.  

The poem’s impact has more to do with the processof  recall , 

rather than the description of what was recalled. 

 

Mother Nature’s Magical Mirror

 

Poemby Alice Jane-Marie Massa

 

I am not feeling poetic.

I am feeling frazzled.

I am not feeling poetic; I am not feeling perky.

I am feeling perklessly frazzled.

How do I look?

Do I still look poetic?

No, no do not bother with handing me a lookingglass.

A nice walk to Mother Nature’s Magical MirrorLake should relax me—

And answer my question.

 

Alas, I am here—

On the wave-splashed shore of Mother Nature’sMagical Mirror Lake.

Taking a deep breath of forest-fresh air,

I peer across the reflecting surface of MagicalMirror Lake.

Oh, perhaps, I do look a bit poetic now;

 

f my peripheral poetic vision,

I see a flashback to a different time and place—

To September 11, 2001.

 

Frames of tragedy fall before my unseeing eyes,

And I forget my tiny frazzled feelings.

I am called to appreciate more greatly MotherNature’s rejuvenating peace

And am called to write a poem

To hold in quiet memory

The expected and unexpected heroes,

The lost hearts and forever aching hearts

Of the victims of 9/11.

 

 




 
 
Leonard I. Tuchyner, Author
 
https://www.dldbooks.com/tuchyner/

 
  
 
 

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