[Critique Group 2] Joan's comments

[Joan Myles]

Dear Ones,

Thanks so much for your time, for your poetic reflections, for your
friendship.
Blessings and sweetness,
jm
**Joan’s comments for March 2021

Alice:

this poem is full of so many powerful messages.

Maybe you could try breaking it into sevral parts.


   1.

   start with who among us can whisper the immigrant’s password

end the opening section with no cages, skip the next lines

   1.

   resume with trail of tears

tell of the pot/etc

   1.

   within my veins stream is a good place to start your own story.


I think you have a lot to say, and the reader may need time to reflect, to
catch his breath, to process before going on.

Leonard

This is a great description of nature.

But how do you connect to it?

What do you feel?

Are you surprised at the number of monarchs? Do you feel lighter than air
for the experience?

Please carry me away with you in your holy appreciation!

Brad

This piece is brutally realistic, gripping, difficult to read

I felt like it was teetering between the main character’s pov and the
omniscient--kind of wanted first person pov.

Not sure whether to cheer or weep for his demise.

The use of distribution of resources was noticeably poignant after reading
the second part.

Val

Title snapped me to attention.

The use of alliteration pulled me in.

Quick, snappy words and short lines contributed to sense of agitation.

Occasional rhyme was somewhat soothing.

Longer lines was comforting.

Ending was welcome.
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