[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments re: DeAnna for Sept work

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

This is a fitting end of this series. 

Wasn’t  Lisa a proxyfor you? 

I forget whether you mentioned that Lisa was blind. 

But in this story, Lisa looks out the window of her airplaneand sees what is outside.  

Maybe you didn’t pressent Lisa as blind, but if you did,this would have been unlikely. 

I only saw one repeated word and recommended one  additional comma.

 

DeAnna’s sub for Sept 20

 

Coming Home

 

Lisa Swan stirred awake at the sound of the pilot’s voice.She glanced out the window of the plane. In a few minutes, she would land atLansing’s Capital region International Airport and her brother Mike would bewaiting to pick her up. Mike was attending Mid-Michigan College –Mt. PleasantCampus. Her baby Brother, Ryan, was graduating from high school. Mama hadcompleted her nursing program at the mid-year. This week would be a time ofcelebration for them all. 

 

Lisa had skipped commencement at college, but had herBachelor’s degree tucked in her backpack in the overhead bin. Next week, shewould start an internship at the tribal office, working with the sevengenerations program. Seven Generations coordinated programs to serve the peopleproviding meals for elders, enrichment classes for children and acted tobenefit tribal members. 

 

Next fall Lisa would be entering graduate school to obtain aMasters degree in social work.  Mama had wanted her children to study hardand get the most out of their educational opportunities.She had taken classes at night to complete her GED. With the help of the tribe,Mary Swan had set an example for her children, by entering nursing school. 

 How did the tribe help Mary Swan.

Grandpa Elijah had told them that schooling was the only waythey could climb out of the poverty on the reservation. They could bring honorand pride to their people by proving that the Chippewa were strong,intelligent, resourceful, and resilient. 

 

It hadn’t been easy to step from the safety of family andfriends who knew who you really were into a world where dark slightly tiltedeyes, olive skin and dark hair meant a person was one of those shiftlessalcoholic, lazy Indians. 

 That description fits oriental people as well.

The doors opened and the soft June air filled the cabin,Lisa stood to retrieve her travel case and backpack. Her long dark braidswrapped in red yarn fell over her slender shoulders to reach her hips. The Swanfamily had much to be proud of this June of 1970. They had a bright futureahead and many happy memories of growing up “Anishinaabe” the name Chippewacalled Shouldn’t there be a comma or something to separate the termenclosed by the quotation marks and  thenext part of the sentence.themselves. 

Her childhood had given Lisa a strong set of values on whichto stand, when she had left home to attend university in California. She wasamused by how her long braids and moccasins had been misinterpreted as theemblems of a flower child. 

 

The young woman who had graduated high school in the top 10%of her class, had accepted scholarships and worked part time jobs to pay forcollege. Lisa had no time to waste on experimenting with drugs or joining thesexual revolution. The girl who watched her mother work two and sometimes threejobs to provide for her children, never wanted to let that loving mother downor cause her pain. The pride she saw in her grandfather’s eyes each time shebrought home top grades, was also a shield against taking the wrong road in heryoung life. The baby girl given the name “Dogwood Blossom” by her Grandma Emma,knew herself and her place in her world.   She was not like many ofher classmates, raised in privilege, with the expectation of the life of afairy tale princess. 

 

Lisa knew that hard work and determination and listening toher own heart was the way of a different kind of princess. She had been 12years old when she first stepped out onto the powwow grounds, wearing herhomemade jingle dress. She followed her aunt Martha and other girls as the 369cones sewn to each of their dresses tinkled in time with their dance steps. Tobe a jingle dancer, one must pledge to be pure in heart, mind and body in orderto bring a blessing on the people. To strive for balance in oneself, to be anexample of curtesy and to be mindful of the gifts granted by “the maker of all“things,” kept Lisa from straying from her goal of getting an education. A softsmile lit her face as she thought back over all of the mischief and adventuresshe had shared with her brothers. They had never felt poor growing up. Whenthere is love, a home is a place of comfort and security.    

 

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