[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments re: Alice's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

I give this poem very high marks. 



It captures a nuanced story 



of a quandry involving surprised hurt, 



varied reactions, many of which are contrary to each other, 



living in a state of limbo as to what to do and more.  



It portrays a very human state  thatmost if not all of us, can relate to. 



It is cleverly done.   Greatr job. 



There are confusions, mentioned below. 



Acautionary Tale, without Warning



 



aspiring poem by Alice Jane-Marie Massa



 



 



Bonjour.



I ama poem,



restingon a cloud of fiction,



fromwhere teardrops of nonfiction



periodicallyemanate.



Great way to say it.. In all fiction thesoul of the writer is ever present. Her sorrows and triumphs are behind the mask. 



 



Now,dear poetry reader,



acautionary tale--



orwhat should have been a Cautionary tale.



Postmarkedwith friendship,



aletter arrived post haste;



however,the letter should have been sent



byspecial delivery with a warning label.



Withoutsaid warning,



therecipient was suddenly



envelopedinto the insensitive morass



I love the way ‘enveloped’ is used here.



ofunkind, uncaring, unknowing words—



Does the word   ‘unknowing’ here assuage  the senders guilt?  



theonly weapons that target the poetic soul.



Why do you say  ‘the only weapons?” surely there are otherweapons as well.



 



I advisedher to open



herumbrella of understanding.



Iencouraged her to catch the words



in abitterfly net.



Is this saying that  the sender’swords  can give hints tounderstanding  



and thus lessen  the effects of the words?  



And, whether she meant to hurt the receiver? 



A butterfly net is meant to catch afragile creature without harming it, 



and yet allow for closer scruitiny.



To examin without malice.



Ipleaded with her to toss the letter



intothe forgetting file or fire,



butshe has no Victorian fireplace.



The use of ‘Victorian’ is powerful. 



Ensconsed in her superiority, theVictorian can easily dismiss the crass meanderings of a lower class from whencethis letter obviously came. 



It’s not worth attention. But the readerdoes not have that facility, so she must bear the hurt of the written words.



 



Whatis her place?



Sheis the one 



whowill read



thewords of weaponry only once:



shewill not give the writer the satisfaction



of asecond read--a second blow.



But she will muster up what Victorian little powers  she has at hand, and not give the letter asecond shot at her.



Now,with decades in her heart pocket,



wiserand more patient,



she,who loved and once taught debate, 



willnot give the writer the satisfaction



of areply or rebuttal..



In younger years she might have defendedherself.  



But she knows now  in her experience, that defense will nothelp.  



Besides, turning one’s back can  be an effective counterpunch.



 



Unansweredletter



wasa flag to the few who read it;



Can you explain the intended meaning of‘flag’ in this line?



butonly one prized individual



whispereda kindly, caring word of regret



froma blessed and crystalline conscience.



Willhe ever fully know



howhis lone feather



pushedaway the weight of those wrenching words?



In these last lines, I am confused. 



If the writer never read the letter again,how did someone come to offer her support?



Having more specific  and complete information  would be helpful in the reader’sunderstanding.



 



Icoax her to read this commemorative stamp:



Is it the poem who  coaxed her to read it?



"Somefriendships grow with grace and gratitude;



otherfriendships are punctuated with patience."



I have the feeling that  the letter was sent by a friend. 



Does the reader end the relationship forall times, 



or does she wait and see whether patiencewill heal the relationship?  



If she burns up the letter, will that meanshe has closed the door on future possible reunions. 



If she keeps the leter, does it mean shewill have to live with the hurt of the relationship.   



Whatwas the date of the postal cancellation?



Iclose with telling her:



"Cancelthe moment,



moveon, move on."



Does cancelling the moment mean treat itlike a passing storm. 



When the poem urges move on, does thatmean locking the door behind you?




 


 



I ama poet,



restingon a cloud of fiction.



inmy cumulous or nebulous state,



Nebulous state I think speaks to thequandry,  which despite everything , thereader has not really made a permanent decision.



Iconvince her to join me



onsaid cloud




 


wherewe will share



adessert of



poeticretort.




 


I take this to mean that the reader/poethas not put the moment behind her and will write, or imagine writing a retortin poetic form. suppose this is a process most of us go through in suchsituations.  



But it is only a stage in the process, notthe solution, if there is a solution.



 


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