[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Brad's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

An epic story well told. 



I wonder though that using one particularreligious movement was the best approach to demonstrate the bad guys.  



If you used a totally fictitious  villain, it might actually be more powerfulby the fact that it would avoid a limitation of specificity. 



Plus, it wouldn’t  be  offensive   to any group in particular. 



Thus, less rejection of the piece.  Just a thought. I may be way off base on thisone. 



On the other hand, specificity also has power. This is an historical account  that is very specific, while also beingubiquitus  throughout history . Theretends to be a tendency in many cultures in which the people have a need toforce others to believe as they do. I believed this tendency is borne out offear and the lust for power. 




 


On a litteral level, the only thing I can think ofto suggest is that you may have overused ‘as’. 




 



 


The Fires OfForever



C By Brad Corallo



Word count 1049




 


In leg irons hesat on the filthy floor of a cold, dank cell. Tomorrow his



Earthly life wouldend as he faced the trial of fire. He was a very old man



who had lived thelife of a dedicated agriculturist chieftain and was held



to be ahierophant of his people. They followed the ancient ways that havebeenpracticed from time out of mind. His name was Arma.




 


He had beenimprisoned and condemned by the local Christian magistrate who



denounced him asa dark warlock leader of a Godless group of witches. He



remembered wellwhen the Christians first came to his part of the world;



preaching peaceand love and killing anyone who didn't adopt their beliefs.



With immensecleverness, they adapted the sagas of their religion to the



"wheel ofthe year" which was the center of Pagan belief and slowly their



high holy daysrenamed and transformed the celebration festival days of his



people. 




 


The old ways werestill practiced in secret by many of the folk. The leader



of this group washis grandson, Kornog. 



Does Cornog refer to the Britain bandactive in the 80’s? If so, I’m asuming this story refers to the Catholic converrsionmetahods over the Keltic pagan sreligions




 


In the noisomecellar in which Arma was held, there was a guard who was a



decent and kindlyman who would sneak Arma bits of meat and bread. He



appeared in frontof Arma's cell and said"under Christian law, you may have



one visitor priorto your execution, and so, your grandson, Kornog has come.



Will you seehim?" 




 


"Yes yourhonor said Arma." With that Kornog was let into Arma's cell. 



Why is he calling a guard ‘your honor’?




 



 


He was a largedark- haired, young man, who was unusually tall for his



people. Hisstrong and well muscled body was the result of many days of hard



work in thefields. When he saw the emaciated state of his grandfather,



tears came to hiseyes. 




 


"Be not sad,son of my son. We are all here in our current forms for a brief



time as is asummer. But all are reborn again and again. I will be back."



Was reincarnation a tennet of the Kelticreligions? Or, did they believe in transmigration?




 


Kornog wiped hiseyes and smiled softly. He knelt in front of his



grandfather andtook both of his hands in his. 




 


"I know itwell. We are like the very cycle of the Earth in which rebirth



and death areforever" he said. 




 


"Grandfather,I ask one thing. I would hear the story once again of how you



and mygrandmother met and loved one another at a long ago Beltane



What is Beltan.



festival."




 


The old mannodded and closed his eyes.  He began: "long, long ago, before



the Christianscame and our people's hearts were full of love for the Earth



and each other,the eight festivals of the year were held. All rejoiced in



the gifts andbounty of our Great Mother and our place in her cycles. Even



those festivalsthat acknowledged the fading of the light  THATbrought joy as all



knew it would beback once again. When I was about your age, I was assisting



our elders withthe laying and lighting of the great Beltane fire which



ushers in thebeloved summer. The people all came bearing food and drink



with joy in theirhearts. 




 


As the fire grew,reaching toward the starry sky, and the ancient drum



rhythmscommenced, the people began to dance. We became as one and the



immense gratitudeof the people was offered up to the Goddess" Arma



continued.



Why do you need, “Arma continued?”  We know who is speaking  and there is no interuption.




 



 



 


"After awhile, the dancing slowed and the people dispersed into small



groups to eat anddrink. It can not be denied that honest worship is hungry



work. I found myself with folk who I only knew distantly. This was the way



of our people aswe all knew that we were all sons and daughters of the



Great Mother. 




 


As the food andwine were shared out and enjoyed together, it was at that



Substitute the second ‘that’ with ‘when.’




 


time that, shewho became your grandmother and I first cast our eyes upon



each other. 




 


She came to mewith a brimming two handled cup of wine and said" let us



share this cupand forever dedicate our love for the Goddess and for each



other." 




 


"For amoment I was dumbfounded" Arma said. But we looked deeply into each



others eyes andboth knew that her words were true ones. And so without any



fear we drainedthe loving cup together. Following our hand fasting and



What is hand fasting? I know it is part of the Keltic wedding ceremony. 




 


joining we dweltin joy together for many years and brought your father and



his brothers andsisters into the community of our people. So, be comforted



my good Kornog,and know, I do not fear the fire" he said with a beautiful



warm lightshining in his eyes. 




 


With that, thesound of marching boots grew and the magistrate and a group



of armed guardscame to Arma's cell. 




 


""It isour law that all proven witches and heathen barbarians be consigned



to the flames fortheir evil under the only true Lord of Love" he



proclaimed. Andso saying they struck off Arma's irons and marched him out



to a tall steakwith brush and wood heaped up around it. After all his



nonexistentcrimes and sins were intoned by the magistrate, one of the



guards, using historch ignited the pyre. 




 


Kornog stood adistance away and with grief and sorrow, watched the barbaric



rite. As hewatched he felt his entire being suffused with the comforting



awareness of theGoddess. And knew in that moment more truly than ever



before: thoughthey can kill one of us, our people will live forever!




 


***




 


NOTE: The purposeof this piece is not to point fingers at anyone. Rather it



is to tell astory that: Jews, Armenians, Vietnamese, Poles, gypsies,



Palestinians andon and on could all too easily tell. It does highlight the



nature of manyzealot missionaries who arrogantly charge into peoples'



worlds and in thefoulest way disrespect their long held and cherished



beliefs. As weenter the holiday season - sorry, some might be offended if I



don't sayChristmas season and others might be if I do call it Yule - we



would do well toremember that there are few if any artificial sub divisions



of humanity whosehands are truly spotless. 




 


Hear, hear!




 


jamesstarfire at gmail.com




 



 


  



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