[Critique Group 2] Leonard's commens on Joan'ssub

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

Passing



Goodtitle. It says what the poem is about. 




 


Summer is fading.Cicadas wind down,



And afternoons slantnoticeably—uphill



What a unique and poetic way of saying  afternoons are getting shorter.




 


Like every step youtake. Across



The kitchen, intothe yard, Harry’s stepstool is there.



There is so much information and questions  packed into these 2 lines. 



Harry is someone close 



Is he alive or not. 



Regardless his presence is always there.  



He was  steady andstrong, 



but did not show more than was needed.  



Also the writer is describing her own innerexperience  of  being just strong enough 



. this  Is information that comes in thefollowing line.



It  also   seems that her steps seem more uphill. 



Isthat an ilusion to age , 



orthe coming of winter 



is hermoving toward the winter the same as her moving toward the end of her own life?




 


Just strong enoughlike Harry was. Like your grip



On this world. Amongweeds you grin



The writer speaks of at least 2 worlds. 



She has a strong hold on this one,  but also has a presence elsewhere.  



Is this also an ilusion to a world beyond?  



Is it her connection to Harry, who has passed?




 


Back at dahlias andmarigolds, gather



Mint andchamomile  and forget-



Me-nots. 



The crooked fingeron your left



Hand throbs whenweather changes--a good




 


The writer  uses‘your’ to refer to self.  Consider using‘I’.  On the other hand, there might be avalue in objectifying the writer. Particularly if she does not want to identifytotally with the physical world. 




 


Thing, precognition.Squinting



My curiosity is piqued. What is the premonition? My guessis that Harry will die.




 


To the west affirmsit too, hints of a cool breeze and 




 



 


That nimbusstraining toward you. Salient



Nimbus is a rainy day cloud.  Is there sadness coming her way?




 


Edge, severing. Keenas Harry’s hoe,



Keen means something that cuts.  Is the refference to Harry’s death? 



Is Harry already passed. 




 


Put away three yearsago when harvested



Veg etables losttheir particular



So  Harry died 3years ago.  Who Harry was in the author’slife is never explained, but he seems to be her husband.




 



 


Flavors. True, itwas Harry who foresaw



The scythe and nimbus cloud now seem to have cut Harryaway from  the writer’s life.  The alusions to winter now seem to be moresalient to the loss of certain pleasures in her life, such as taste for thefoods Harry grew.




 


Certain things, whoshelved canned  green beans




 


And tomatoes for thecoming of winter.



But he neverbelieved caterpillars




 


Predict itsseverity.



Eve though Harry put awayprovisions for the coming winter because he knewk, at some level  that it was necessary,, he couldn’t haveknown how hard it was going to  be on  the writer.




 


And mourning dovesendure.



Morning dove obviously refers to the writer.  The dove finds  a steady piece of landto  survive on. It also bringspeace.  It preserves life. 



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