[Critique Group 2] **Feb Critique

[Joan Myles]

Dear Friends,

Again, I want to apologize for my flightiness at Tuesday's
session...and at my premiere session. Please grant me your patience,
as I am nervously, and excitedly of course, awaiting the publication
of my first book of poems in the next few weeks.My head is in a
hundred places...and apparently my notes are as well! Below you will
find my remarks.

Blessings!
Joan

Alice:
-Love the title, got my interest.
-Diagonal bricks- makes me think of a child's drawing of the sun with
slanted sunbeams, got me smiling.
-Contrast between vivid colors of the garden, and your grandmother's
usual black dress as she cares for them.
-Love the bridge, the ailing eyes connecting everything. They may be
ailing, but they see so much!
-Lovely poem, thank you.

Leonard:
-Title needs work, but you said that.
-I was swept right into this rather unusual world, and readily
accepted your characters as believable since they speak with such
reality. Love the twists of humor and hints at future relationship.
Hope the  amorous parts will keep to "less is more", as too much of
this kind of showing seems a cheap way to advance a plot.

Val:
-First reading left me scattered and confused. Maybe you intended this?
-Love "fragile as fancy glass". The words "fancy glass" hiss at me
with a pleasing sound, and yet, I ask, "why fancy glass?"
-Then I am flung into the disorder of your inventory, which leaves me
disturbed and sad and the question of the glass is still with me.
-I like this piece, find it very moving, and sparks my curiosity to know more.

Brad:
I found your piece to be more of a free-flowing self-examination than
an essay. This is not a bad thing.
-At the end, I couldn't help asking, "Now what?" "Is there some kind
of manifesto coming?"
-I found this quite interesting, but of course don't know your work
well enough to determine whether you stay true to yourself. Looking
forward to finding out.

**end**