[Critique Group 2] My Feedback for 9-26-2017

[Abbie Taylor]

Brad, there's an error in this line. "too scarred, unable too fully relax" I think you mean "unable to fully relax." The second "to" should only have one O.

When writing out numbers, you should use hyphens instead of spaces, e.g. "twenty-five." Also, "instead" is one word.

When I first started reading this poem, I thought it was talking about you growing up as a middle child and wondered what Marie had to do with it. ⠠⠮⠝ I realized the poem is telling Marie's story. For this reason, I think it would work better in third person instead of first.

Also, you might want to think of a different title, since the poem isn't just about Marie growing up as a middle child. Try something like "The Life and Times of My Mother" or "Marie's Life."

Valerie, I love the language, but it's not clear who or what this poem is about.

Leonard, in this line, "the words sketch and statistics" the words "sketch" and "statistics" should be each in their own set of quotes.

It seems to me that you're trying to set this poem to a meter, but some lines are a bit longer than others, so you might want to cut out words in those lines to make them fit the meter. Otherwise, I love this poem's whimsical quality.

Alice, I like the way you incorporate Emily Dickinson's words in a poem that memorializes your dog.

Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author http://abbiescorner.wordpress.com
http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com
abbie at mysero.net
Order my new memoir at http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com/memoir.htm