[Critique Group 2] My Piece for Next Critique Session

[Abbie Taylor]

The following poem started as a product of both a Hadley assignment and 
an exercise in Steering the Craft. The original prompt in both these 
sources was to write a poem and a paragraph in only one sentence. 
However, now that I'm no longer following an assignment, I revised the 
poem, which made it necessary to break it into more than one sentence. 
It's not long, so I'll give you my original version and then the 
revised, and you all can see what you think.

***

IN MY DREAM


He held me in bed, but reality hit
when I smelled booze on his breath,
knowing he usually didn't drink much,
and I woke with a start
in a stranger’s embrace,
screamed, though no one could hear me,
and the bed was empty,
the feel of his arms having vanished,

***

Revised

IN MY DREAM


He held me in bed,
but I smelled booze on his breath.
He usually didn't drink much.
Reality hit--in a stranger’s embrace,
I screamed, though no one could hear me.

-- 
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author http://abbiescorner.wordpress.com
http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com
abbie at mysero.net
Order my new memoir at http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com/memoir.htm