[Critique Group 2] My Piece for October 25th

[Abbie Taylor]

The following story was inspired by the exercise at the end of Chapter 
1 of Steering the Craft, the book we'll be discussing at the December 
4th meeting.

***

ADVENTURE (714 words)



The big black fox stood and gazed with a curious expression at the 
little white Terrier who lay snoozing in the grass in a sunny meadow 
next to a babbling brook. The pooch, sensing a presence, opened her 
eyes with a start and stared, horrified, into the fox's green, glinting 
eyes. Giving a yelp of terror, she leapt to her feet and dashed, 
barking, across the field to the couple on the blanket, her white back 
and tail becoming a blur. The fox turned and scurried in the opposite 
direction, crashing into the adjacent woods.

After a three-mile hike, Scott and Brenda were exhausted. They ate a 
picnic lunch, then dozed, entwined on their blanket, surrounded by 
empty Subway sandwich wrappers and water bottles. Awakened by the dog's 
shrill barks, they sat up and rubbed their eyes. Brenda extended her 
arms, and the little dog jumped into them, apparently not giving the 
remnants of their meal any thought.

"Snowflake, what is it, sweetie?" said Brenda, holding and rocking the 
little dog. "You're shaking like a leaf!"

Scott surveyed the landscape. "I don't see anything," he said. "The 
last time I looked, she was sleeping in the sun, drying off after 
playing in the creek. Maybe she just had a bad doggy dream or something."

"You're okay," said Brenda, cuddling Snowflake against her. “You’re 
safe with Mommy now.” The dog licked her face.

"Jesus," said Scott. "You'd think she was your baby."

Brenda turned to her husband, her eyes filling with tears. "Well, you 
know we can't have children because of my stupid body, not to mention 
my vision loss, and you don’t want to adopt. Snowflake is all we have."

Scott sighed, shrugged, and lay down. Brenda could hold the tears back 
no longer. She buried her face in Snowflake’s fur, and the dog 
delivered wet, slobbery, comforting kisses. Eventually, Brenda lay down 
on the blanket next to Scott, without touching him. Soon, the couple 
and their dog were asleep.


In the woods, the fox cowered, fearing the humans on the blanket would 
come after him at any moment. When they didn't, and after an 
interminable amount of time passed, the fox was distracted by a 
tantalizing aroma born to his nostrils by a cool mountain summer 
breeze. Curious, he snuck out and stood in the open field for a moment.

In the distance, he glimpsed the figures on the blanket, lying 
motionless. The breeze grew stronger and so did the aroma. He inched closer.

Snowflake sensed the fox's approach first. She whined and started 
shaking. Alert, Brenda held the dog close to her and said, "It's okay, 
sweetie. You're just having another bad dream."

In answer, Snowflake barked once. The fox stopped. Brenda opened her 
eyes, sat up, and spotted the creature in the distance. With her 
limited eyesight, she couldn't tell what it was but sensed it was a 
predator by the way it just stood there. "Scott!” she cried.

He sat bolt upright. "What the hell!" He flung a nearby rock at the 
fox. It hit the animal’s nose and thudded to the ground. The fox 
yelped, turned, and dashed into the woods.

Now Brenda and Snowflake were shaking. Scott put an arm around Brenda’s 
shoulders and said, "It's okay, babe. It was just a fox. He won't come back."

Brenda rested on her husband's shoulder for a moment, feeling his 
comforting warmth. Then, remembering their earlier conversation, she 
looked at her watch and said, "It's getting late. We probably should 
head back."

"Whatever," said Scott with a sigh.

As they packed the remains of their lunch, Snowflake whined constantly 
and stayed by Brenda's side. As she stuffed items into her back pack, 
she murmured soothing endearments to the dog. Scott ignored them both.

As they trudged along the rocky trail, Brenda holding Scott's arm so he 
could guide her, they said nothing except for the occasional moment 
Scott pointed out logs or other obstacles. Snowflake scampered ahead, 
then turned and rushed back to see if they were coming. She 
occasionally barked at squirrels and birds in trees, and Brenda 
laughed, but Scott said nothing. When they finally reached the car, the 
pooch was only too happy to collapse onto her blanket on the back seat 
and fall fast asleep.

-- 
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author http://abbiescorner.wordpress.com
http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com
abbie at mysero.net
Order my new memoir at http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com/memoir.htm