<html xmlns:v="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" xmlns:o="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" xmlns:w="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word" xmlns:m="http://schemas.microsoft.com/office/2004/12/omml" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40"><head><META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=us-ascii"><meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 15 (filtered medium)"><style><!--
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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72" style='word-wrap:break-word'><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally’s August comments:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard: I really like this poem. The theme is universal for anyone who is aging. The phrase “upward ascent” is a little awkward, but I don’t have a good alternative. There should not be a period after “five-foot nine” since the following two lines are part of the sentence. I would suggest making that period a comma and setting off the next line with a comma and put the period at the end of the following line. There is an extra space between “with” and “other.” The lines “Being” and the next few are treated as a sentence ending with a period, but they are just a phrase. Could you either make them into a sentence or incorporate the phrase with other lines? I like the sense of lament and the playfulness of the last line. I am not sure if you meant to have a line between each line of the poem or if this is just a formatting error.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Marcia: I like the rather staccato rhythm and the lack of paragraphs. It works for me. I would make the “It’s” that begins the piece “It has.” I think the point that comes across is that, given the bad things, you have survived and arrived at a place of hard-won peace of a sort. Your wondering about what to share at the reunion is nicely matched with the wondering how much others will share. I think you make the point that none of your classmates will have arrived unscathed, either, but the suspicion that the conversation will be shallow is no doubt correct. Nicely done.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora: This version is much tidier. In the opening paragraph, you need to let the reader know what sort of conference it is. The story needs some kind of break between the part about Cleta and Rachel and when Yolanda appears or some kind of transition. I am not clear about how Audrey knows it is Cleta at the bar when she begins talking to her. Why would Audrey tell Cleta to bring a cane to the meeting tomorrow? Even if Cleta returned the card, she wouldn’t get her vision back immediately. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>DeAnna: Lovely and poignant. I wouldn’t make any changes.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> <br> <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>