<html xmlns:v="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" xmlns:o="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" xmlns:w="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word" xmlns:m="http://schemas.microsoft.com/office/2004/12/omml" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40"><head><META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=us-ascii"><meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 15 (filtered medium)"><style><!--
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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:#1F497D'>Cleora,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:#1F497D'>I am forwarding my September comments. Let me know if you receive this.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:#1F497D'>Marcia<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><div><div style='border:none;border-top:solid #E1E1E1 1.0pt;padding:3.0pt 0in 0in 0in'><p class=MsoNormal><b>From:</b> Marcia Wick [mailto:marciajwick@gmail.com] <br><b>Sent:</b> Thursday, September 29, 2022 7:34 PM<br><b>To:</b> group1@bluegrasspals.com<br><b>Subject:</b> Marcia's September comments<o:p></o:p></p></div></div><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>A Trip Downtown<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'>Title: A Trip Downtown<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: You’re Hired<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Is the purpose O&M instruction or inspiration?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert “dog” can’t assume reader knows: Sarah lifted the harness from the knob of the hall closet door. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Sarah lifted the dog harness from the knob of the hall closet door. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: Lamia paused at the top step of the porch and when Sarah murmured forward, they stepped lightly down the stairs together to the sidewalk. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Lamia paused at the top step of the porch and waited until Sarah murmured, “Forward.” Together, they stepped lightly down the stairs to the sidewalk. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>simplify: They moved briskly down the block swinging smoothly around the Johnson's garbage can, the Williams's mailbox where it jutted into their path and Tommy Anderson's tricycle left in the middle of the sidewalk.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: They moved briskly down the block, swinging smoothly around the Johnson's garbage can, avoiding the Williams's mailbox that jutted into their path, and stepping around Tommy Anderson's tricycle left in the middle of the sidewalk.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: Sarah only knew that with Lamia beside her, she could move freely without the frustration of catching a cane on gratings and cracks in the sidewalk or the risk of the cane passing beneath that jutting mailbox and allowing it to hit her shoulder or breast. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Sarah only knew she could move freely with Lamia beside her, unlike the frustration of traveling with a cane that would catch on gratings and cracks in the sidewalk, or pass beneath that jutting mailbox risking it hitting her shoulder or breast. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Verb tenses: Sarah reached to stroke a satiny ear, listened for the start up of parallel traffic and gestured forward. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Sarah reached to stroke a satiny ear and gestured Lamia “forward “ when the parallel traffic started up. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword delete first sentence (obvious): The two began to cross the intersection. Three steps into the street, Lamia slid to a stop, backed several steps and a car whizzed around the corner without stopping. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Three steps into the intersection, Lamia slid to a stop and backed away from a car that whizzed around the corner without stopping. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Would she stop?: Sarah bent to hug Lamia before they continued across the street. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Swerved?: Four blocks later, Lamia swerved to show Sarah that they had reached the bus stop shelter. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Four blocks later, Lamia swerved and led Sarah to the bus stop shelter. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Misplaced comma: Sarah, said "Good girl."<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Sarah said, "Good girl."<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “needed” more active: After leaving the bus at the downtown terminal, Sarah needed to walk<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: After leaving the bus at the downtown terminal, Sarah walked… <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: As she moved along the sidewalk Lamia stopped to allow a delivery van to back out of a driveway. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: As they moved along the sidewalk, Lamia stopped to avoid a delivery van backing out of a driveway. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>A lot going on: She mentally confirmed her location by noting when they crossed the railroad tracks, the bakery on the corner of an intersection and the sound of the large open area of a parking lot just before the solid presence of the office building she was seeking. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Relying on her orientation and mobility skills, she confirmed her location by noting the railroad track crossing, the aroma of the corner bakery, the open feeling of a parking lot, and the proximity of the office building she was seeking. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Simplify: Sarah remembered that there was a restroom off the lobby from her trips to see her dentist. His office was on the fifth floor at the end of the hall to the right as you left the elevator. Since the suite of offices she wanted to find was a lower number, she guessed it would be to the left if the layout was the same on each floor. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Sarah was anxious to freshen up before her job interview. From earlier trips to the building to visit her dentist’s office on the fifth floor, she assumed the restrooms on the ground floor were also off the lobby to the left. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Comma, not period: Sarah hung her briefcase by its shoulder strap on the hook inside the door. Patted Lamia for her cleverness and closed the door of the stall. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Sarah hung her briefcase by its shoulder strap on the hook inside the door, Patted Lamia for her cleverness, and closed the door of the stall. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Simplify: After leaving the stall, Lamia moved over guiding Sarah to the sink, when Sarah asked her to find it. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: After leaving the stall, Lamia guided Sarah to the sink. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Unclear: Sarah filled a folding bowl from the tap washed her hands.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Sarah filled a folding bowl from the tap to water her dog while she washed her hands.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: If it weren't for Lamia, she would be a nervous wreck by now. Clanking into things as she made her way down the block, anxiously straining to be sure it was safe to cross streets. Then having to search for doors, grope each space between elevator doors for the elusive call button. Trailing walls to find the restroom. Having to fumble around the restroom to locate the sink, stall and trash can, all would have taken there toll. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: If it weren't for Lamia, she would be a nervous wreck by now. Her dog guide kept her from clanking into obstacles, helped her to cross streets safely, find doors and elevators, locate the elusive call button, access and navigate the restroom. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Dogs in Water<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Need introductory sentence: I’ve had a lot of canine companions over the years…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert space after period: …<span style='color:black'>swum than walked .This became clear…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Would have or did?: <span style='color:black'>Her fur was so long and buoyant that if she stopped dead in the water she still would have floated, with her head sitting perfectly comfortably looking at us.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Her fur was so long and buoyant that when she stopped dead in the water she still floated, with her head sitting perfectly comfortable out of water looking at us.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Simplify: <span style='color:black'>I recall a time that I was fishing for catfish on the banks of the lake,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: I recall fishing for catfish on the banks of the lake,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Strong verb: <span style='color:black'>I got him out of the water<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: I hoisted (flung) him out of the water<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Don’t repeat “only”: <span style='color:black'>So, I kicked it the third time, only on this occasion I was rewarded by the spine penetrating my sneaker.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: So, after kicking it a third time, I was rewarded by the spine penetrating my sneaker.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword for tension: <span style='color:black'>But I was fired up, and I was prepared to kick it once again, when April, who had been quietly observing me from the top of the bank, decided to help me out.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: I was fired up, prepared to kick it once again, when April, quietly observing from the top of the bank, went into action.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Blank lines between dogs<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='color:black'>Another dog that lived with me prior to that time was Aric,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='color:black'>Another dog that lived with me prior to April was Aric,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Reword: I guess he thought that if something was out there, it must have been thrown by someone.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: I guess he thought that if something was floating out there, it must be for him to fetch.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete commas: <span style='color:black'>My dog, Pepper, was not fond of the water.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: My dog Pepper was not fond of the water.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Dangling: <span style='color:black'>We were invited to spend the weekend at a cabin in the woods by a couple we knew.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: We were invited by a couple we knew to spend the weekend at a cabin in the woods.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword “I remember” and “back” and “float”: <span style='color:black'>Back at the lake, I remember we went to get a floating dock back that had floated off in a rain storm.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Back at the lake, we needed to retrieve a floating dock that had drifted off during a rain storm.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete comma: <span style='color:black'>found the dock on the other side of the lake, in an alcove.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: found the dock on the other side of the lake in an alcove.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Redundant: <span style='color:black'>they are as varied as humans are, as is the case with all relationships everywhere.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: they are as varied as humans.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Knowingly?: <span style='color:black'>He had never been knowingly that deep in the drink.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Overall wordy<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>so<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The Right Choice<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Long for an op ed<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: After almost 50 years the Supreme Court<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: After almost 50 years, the Supreme Court<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>50%<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>50 percent<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: one side is against abortion for moral reasons and the other insists on the right to do whatever they want.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: one side believes abortion is morally wrong and the other insists on the right to choose.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Moral - What is right, person’s standards of behavior, goodness or badness of human character<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>What is “normal”?: The cost of such a baby can be up to 13 times that of a normal child.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Simple abstinence is the most successful method for preventing pregnancy, but clearly the right to choose doesn’t include this option.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Access to contraceptives resulted in lower abortion rate<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Dispute: For all couples, there are a variety of birth control methods available that can be used for both those of low income and those with religious concerns.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Hobby Lobby doesn’t provide access to contraceptives for employees for religious reasons<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>society must exercise the choice to prevent further expense.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Expense of childbirth and lifelong welfare is greater than cost for abortion<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>without creating a Burdon for society<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>abortion prevents burden on society<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>which procedure?: If they refuse, then the procedure is denied.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Which procedure? Sterilization or abortion?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>It is time we started using our right to choose to make responsible rather than selfish decisions.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Abortion isn’t selfish<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Eugenics: This becomes even more of a desirable action if the couple has produced a child that may have a disability.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p>Punctuation: Some may consider this harsh, however, remember, the people had the choice to deal with the issue in their own way, and chose to make it a problem of society.<o:p></o:p></p><p>Try: Some may consider this harsh. However, remember the people had the choice to deal with the issue in their own way, and chose to make it a problem of society.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Moral argument proposed at beginning but most of your arguments relate to the cost, not concern for life of the unborn<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>