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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Sally:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Consider for title: The Idleness of Illness<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Invert: The idleness of illness<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>envelopes my aging body,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>try: Recovery <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>envelopes my aging body,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>reword: cushioning its frailty<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>try: cushioning my frailty<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>delete “and,” stronger: to match my slow and steady breathing.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: to match my slow steady breathing.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Title cliché<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Question: What character traits make this dog unique in their approach to navigating along crowded streets filled with traffic, other pedestrians, sidewalk furniture, broken pavement and obstacles in our path.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Wordy “achieve” 2X: Each time I have made this journey, I have learned new techniques to achieve the desired outcome of forging the necessary bonds to achieve the synergy that is a well-functioning team. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Each time I have made this journey, I have learned new techniques to forge the bonds necessary to achieve synergy as a well-functioning team. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: Time is short and we race through new challenges and experiences designed to prepare us to be on our own.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Time is short as we race through new challenges and experiences designed to prepare us to be on our own.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Or<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Time is short. We race through new challenges and experiences designed to prepare us to be on our own.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: He has red-gold ears and muzzle which accent his amber eyes.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: He has a red-gold muzzle and matching ears which accent his amber eyes.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Or<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>He has red-gold ears and a matching muzzle which accent his amber eyes.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use comma, not colon: Flynn’s exuberance seems to say: “Oh goody,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Flynn’s exuberance seems to say, “Oh goody,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Confusing: take me away from this gruff trainer…then you talk about puppy raiser, then trainer<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Present tense?: One of the things I loved was his unique way of expressing his enjoyment when he thought he was doing a good job.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: One of the things I love is his unique way of expressing his enjoyment when he thinks he is doing a good job.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Title: The Soul of a Violin<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert “yet”: <span style='color:black'>He had not made a name for himself,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: He had not yet made a name for himself,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Avoid “being”: he had reached a level of mastery that was close to being as good as anybody’s in the world by the time he started to make me. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: he had reached an unmatched level of mastery in the world by the time he started to craft me. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Avoid “one”: I knew I would have one, before I was fully formed.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: I knew I would have a soul, even before I was fully formed.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Tense: That’s how I know he was a master.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: That’s how I knew he was a master.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>“seemed” 2X: God seemed not to have answered his prayer. Myron was deteriorating rapidly, and it seemed he would die before I was completed.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: God seemed not to have answered his prayer. Myron was deteriorating rapidly, and it appeared he might die before I was completed.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>“presence” 2X: I heard him talking to a presence. It was an evil presence,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: I heard him talking to an invisible spirit. It was an evil presence,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Or<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>I heard him talking to a presence. It was an evil spirit,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Or<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>I heard him talking to a presence, an evil presence,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Reword: But you just assure me that you will work on it<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: But you must assure me that you will work on it<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Stronger: He found them and spent time in making alterations.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: He found them and devoted the time required to make alterations.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Finished 3X: When finished, it was the moment of truth.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: When completed, it was the moment of truth.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Stronger: I was cradled on his shoulder, and I sang.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Cradled on his shoulder, I sang.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Fairy vs. faerie<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The main difference between fairy and faerie is that a fairy is a young, kind and pure spirit whereas a faerie is a mischievous, evil, and horrid creature.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The fairies are mythical creatures who can be described as small humanoid creatures with thin, membranous wings and who generally tend to stay away from<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>all the humans and the human world. The faeries are mythical creatures who are like fairies except for their personality which is that they are evil and<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>dangerously mischievous creatures.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The words fairy and faerie are used by people in the same sense and is thought to be just a difference in spelling and nothing much. But there are several<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>differences between fairy and faerie. They are both different mythical spirits.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Question: What difference does it make what I do now.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: What difference does it make what I do now?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: Breathing a sigh of relief she joined the others.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Breathing a sigh of relief, she joined the others.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use of parents’ first names?: : “I’m sorry,” said John.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Alice?: said Alice.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Who, not that: Two girls that are almost grown<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Two girls who are almost grown<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>reword: Misty reached the hall in time to see her father head down and slump shouldered, come out of the bathroom and go down the hall into the guestroom instead of their parents’ bedroom.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Misty reached the hall in time to see her father exit the bathroom, slump shouldered, and retreat into the guestroom instead of their parents’ bedroom.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: Straight ahead was their tree.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She staired at their tree.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Spelling: the ventage model airplane,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: the vintage model airplane,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p>How did she know what the wrapped presents were?: incomplete sentences: There was a small flat package with a computer game, the box with the ventage model airplane, and a book on writing fiction for Connie. A shoe box containing a wallet with a scan shield from her & Connie, and whatever her Mom got for their Dad. A big box that probably came from a department store that might contain a new ski jacket, and two other packages she had no clue what might be had her name on them.<o:p></o:p></p><p>Try: The small flat package might hold a computer game, and a box likely hid the vintage model airplane…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p>Reword: The whole thing made her sad. She no longer cared what was there. She wished she could just erase Christmas and skip straight to New Years. ‘Is something like this why Grandmother Conner doesn’t like to exchange gifts?’ she wondered.<o:p></o:p></p><p>Try: The whole idea made her sad. She no longer cared about sharing presents. She wished she could erase Christmas and skip straight to New Years. She understood why Grandmother Conner didn’t like to exchange gifts.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>