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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Typo?: a smiling faery face beside it<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: a smiling fairy face beside it<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText> <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>“smiled” 2X, also clarify: She smiled. That task had gone well.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She grinned. That meant the first task had gone well.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: The second name was Gary Plumb.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: The second name on her list was Gary Plumb.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reverse sentences: The next name read Mrs. Grace Carper. Misty guessed Ginger agreed with her there was nothing she could do for the boy.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Misty guessed Ginger agreed with her there was nothing she could do for the boy. The third name read Mrs. Grace Carper.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Plural: The name printed at the top was Trents, Jack, Sarah, and Jason.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: The names printed at the top were Trents, Jack, Sarah, and Jason.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Internal thoughts with and without quote marks: What was going on, Misty wondered. She lifted the first page and asked, “what do I do now?”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Misty wondered what was going on. She lifted the first page and asked herself, what do I do now?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Repetition: She looked again at the top page.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>She looked at the letter again.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>She looked at the picture again.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>It looked very much like the boy she had seen at the home,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>the stationary looked the same.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>She looked at the second name (on her list) and did the finger thing.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: the printed name on the stationery was The Trents, Jack, Sarah, and Jason.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: the printed names on the stationery were Trents, Jack, Sarah, and Jason.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: The nurse had called the boy Gary, if it is the same family, why isn't Gary’s name on the stationery?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: The nurse had called the boy Gary, but if it was from the same family, why wasn’t Gary’s name on the stationery?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Hyphenate: a middle aged woman in a nurse's uniform<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: a middle-aged woman in a nurse's uniform<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Need quote marks: Is your family coming later? asked the nurse.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: “Is your family coming later?” asked the nurse.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Need new paragraph for each speaker.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: <span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>Watching our furred and feathered relatives,</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'>Buffaloes or sheds: <span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>buffalo shed tears at the loss of a calf.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'>Period or semicolon, not comma: <span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>Each one of our brothers and sisters <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'><span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>are precious members of the family,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'><span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>all have unique gifts<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'><span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>that fit them for their place in the dance of life. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'>Delete period: <span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>so that our Mother’s children might live.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'><span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>for seven generations into tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'>Try: <span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>so that our Mother’s children might live<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'><span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>for seven generations into tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'>People instead of us: <span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>for bear, deer, buffalo and us when we have gone. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=xmsonormal style='background:white'>Try: <span style='font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Segoe UI",sans-serif;color:black'>for bear, deer, buffalo and people when we have gone. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Use dash to set up group, use commas for list in group: <span style='color:black'>the noise of leaf blowers fills my head --<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>lawn mowers and their awful bedlam --<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>tree saws and their abrading, grinding roar --<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>traffic and its calamitous clamor --<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>construction with its cacophony --<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>unsuspected horn toots and tire squeals. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>the noise of leaf blowers fills my head --<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>lawn mowers and their awful bedlam, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>tree saws and their abrading grinding roar, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>traffic and its calamitous clamor,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>construction with its cacophony,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>unsuspected horn toots and tire squeals. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'> <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Same thing: <span style='color:black'>you can still hear sounds of the neighborhood --<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>people talking, laughing, living their lives --<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>children playing, learning the games of life --<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>geese honking as they fly high overhead. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>you can still hear sounds of the neighborhood --<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>people talking, laughing, living their lives,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>children playing, learning the games of life,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>geese honking as they fly high overhead. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Title not reflected in poem<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Move comma: we gather in a nursing home room,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>as we play our human and canine parts<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>try: we gather in a nursing home room<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>as we play our human and canine parts,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>