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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sand Dune Marchers<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Nice imagery<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Incomplete sentence: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'> On a high windswept sand dune<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>fifty strides from seaside lapping,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>a semi-stable hammock<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>nestled in a nest of rises,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>adorned with a grass new to me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Try: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'> On a high windswept sand dune<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>fifty strides from seaside lapping,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>a semi-stable hammock<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>is nestled between the rises,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>adorned with a grass new to me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Invert: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Five-foot solitary tall grasses,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Try: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Solitary five-foot tall grasses, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Incomplete sentence: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Five-foot solitary tall grasses,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>graceful drooping leaves stretch two more feet<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>on gently sloping supporting stalks,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>with bowed, colored, singular tresses,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>almost parallel to their sandy ground.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Try: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Solitary five-foot-tall stalks,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Support graceful leaves stretching two feet more<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>on gently sloping sandy dunes,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>wave and bow singular colored tresses,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>at times parallel to the sandy ground.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Combine lines?: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Each tasseled stalk faces the same way.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'> <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Where do they get their marching orders?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Reword nuance: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>or simply a way to catch the light?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Try: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>or simply stretching to catch the light?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Punctuation combine: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Like humans moving toward their destiny.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Will they perish before they arrive?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Try: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Like humans moving toward their destiny,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>will they perish before they arrive?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>Final question: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Will they come again to suit the season,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>continuing their solemn journey<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv7131385536msonormal style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;background:white'>try: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Will they come again to suit the season,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>and continue their solemn journey?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Winter Winds<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation pattern? Comma/period. Comma/period.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify'>Redundant: Chilly and cold,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Icy and cold<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify'>Nice metaphor: timber wolf bold (needs comma?)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify'>Singular?: Treasure her gifts,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify'>for they come from her heart.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify'>Try: Treasure her gift,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify'>for it comes from her heart.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify'>Abrupt transition: We’ve made a rift<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify'>Willful children apart.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify'>???: from microbic to whale?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Entitled<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Is this a definition: believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: believing oneself is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment is the definition of “entitlement.”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Capitalize: social security<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Social Security<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Doesn’t follow promise: … and freedom to do whatever they want to our youth.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: while they are free to do whatever they want to our youth.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Break up long sentence: Millions of dollars have been spent world wide to bring us a vaccine to protect us from a deadly virus, but you are entitled to catch that virus and die or develop permanent serious health problems as a result, However, regardless of the decision you made not to take precautions, you are entitled to someone else to pick up the tab for your choice.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: Millions of dollars have been spent world wide to bring us a vaccine that protects us from a deadly virus, yet you are entitled to avoid vaccination, catch that virus, and die or develop permanent serious health problems as a result. However, regardless of your decision not to take precautions, you feel entitled to have someone else pick up the tab for your care.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Simplify more clear: These entitlements cover almost everything that might be nice, but not necessarily required for us to have a good life.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: Entitlements are nice, but not essential for a good life.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Organization out of place?: Advertising typically tries to create a sense of urgency. We might die suddenly and leave our loved ones unprovided for.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Also (follow promise?): The fast food restaurant will make its irresistible sandwich our way. The beautiful ladies will flock to the gentleman that owns the fantastic sports car. Now, we are told we are going to miss out on something we are entitled to unless we act immediately.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Weak, redundant: But feeling that we’re entitled and demanding that others realize that we’re entitled is completely useless and might even get in the way of what we really want.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Better conclusion (from above): We are so incredibly blessed in this country that we have become unbearably arrogant. None of these “entitlements” are free, and most are not even necessary. Someone has to pay for them. That someone is us and our descendants, regardless of what the advertiser or politician says.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Simplify, clarify: This is a sales pitch meant to lure us into buying a product because we are brainwashed into thinking we deserve it. In times past, this would have been referred to as “junk mail”, but the clever advertiser and politician of today have repackaged it to tell us we deserve it.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: This sounds like a sales pitch meant to lure us into buying a product after we’ve been brainwashed into thinking we deserve it. The clever advertiser and politician of today have repackaged “junk mail” to make us think we deserve what they’re selling.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Smooth out: A feeling of entitlement is hard won.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>You suffered to get to the spot you’re in. You were mistreated; worked hard; paid your dues; endured unfair treatment. So, It’s your turn. Justice demands it. You’re aggrieved. Or perhaps the thing you’ve worked so hard on is magical, special and totally worth people’s attention.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>You’re entitled. To your grievance or the meeting or even simply, the benefit of the doubt.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: Your entitlement is hard won. You’ve suffered to get to the spot you’re in. Aggrieved, you’ve been mistreated; worked hard; paid your dues; endured unfair treatment. So, It’s your turn. Justice demands it. The thing you’ve worked so hard on is magical, special and totally worth people’s attention.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>You’re entitled to your grievance or the meeting or simply to the benefit of the doubt.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>