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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Sally<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: greeted me rather than carols and a gray-haired couple<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: greeted me rather than carols, and a gray-haired couple<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Typo: explainedthey<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: explained they<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Has and Have, not had: In truth, imagined dancing had been the only <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> Dancing I had ever been able to do. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: In truth, imagined dancing has been the only <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> Dancing I have ever been able to do. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Tense: I did not walk with any amount of ease or grace. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: I can’t walk with any amount of ease or grace. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Tense: even more so now that I was blind and nearing my seventies. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: even more so now that I am blind and nearing my seventies. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Tense: I threw caution<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: I throw caution<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>sway or tap my foot<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>saved best for last – love this line: Tossing my long white hair in defiance of the impossible, I felt the beat pulse deep within me and dreamed of dancing next time around. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>…fee, dream…present?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Mishaps? <span style='color:black'>Accidents Caused by Low Vision</span><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Word choice: <span style='color:black'>the ample breach<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: the ample opening</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Word choice: <span style='color:black'>At a critical hotel conference, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>At an important hotel conference, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Typo: <span style='color:black'>discover ed it was a barrier <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>discovered it was a barrier <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Choppy writing, punctuation etc.?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>More specific: help me to understand God better.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: help me to better understand how people try God’s patience.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Simplify: According to the Bible, in the beginning, after creating man, God gave them a very simple set of instructions. He had planted a Tree of Life and a Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden. The instructions regarding the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil were simple. Don't look at it, don't touch it, and don't eat of the fruit from it.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: According to the Bible, in the beginning, God created man (or Adam and Eve) and gave him/them a simple set of instructions. “Don't look at, don't touch, and don't eat of the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden.” <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>? the eight souls inside would not have survived.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Typo: I’m not saying<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>He doesn’t require<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Agreement: a set of instructions that include<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: a set of instructions that includes<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Or<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>instructions that include<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>smooth transition, stronger: Several years of trying to find good care givers who will help me do the things I need to do my way, has brought me to the conclusion that maybe I know a little about how God feels when people go their own way.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Years of searching for reliable care givers leads me to believe that I know a little about how God feels when people won’t do things the way He asks.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Title weak question A Dream?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>A Fever Dream<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>No paragraph breaks?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Note repetition -<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: That first winter I came down with a fever<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: That first winter, I came down with a fever<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Again: That first winter I came down His clothes were<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: That first winter I came down, His clothes were<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>His?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert apostrophe: "Its not time<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: "It’s not time<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Agreement: five foot one inches tall<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: five feet one inch tall<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Wording: I don't doubt that god can put my life to good service,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: I don't doubt that god has put my life to good service,<o:p></o:p></p></div></body></html>