<html xmlns:v="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" xmlns:o="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" xmlns:w="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word" xmlns:m="http://schemas.microsoft.com/office/2004/12/omml" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40"><head><meta http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=us-ascii"><meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 15 (filtered medium)"><style><!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;}
@font-face
{font-family:Consolas;
panose-1:2 11 6 9 2 2 4 3 2 4;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
a:link, span.MsoHyperlink
{mso-style-priority:99;
color:#0563C1;
text-decoration:underline;}
a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed
{mso-style-priority:99;
color:#954F72;
text-decoration:underline;}
p.MsoPlainText, li.MsoPlainText, div.MsoPlainText
{mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-link:"Plain Text Char";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
span.EmailStyle17
{mso-style-type:personal-compose;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
color:windowtext;}
p.yiv1639530033msonormal, li.yiv1639530033msonormal, div.yiv1639530033msonormal
{mso-style-name:yiv1639530033msonormal;
mso-margin-top-alt:auto;
margin-right:0in;
mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;
margin-left:0in;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;}
span.PlainTextChar
{mso-style-name:"Plain Text Char";
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-link:"Plain Text";
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
--></style><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1026" />
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapelayout v:ext="edit">
<o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1" />
</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Sally:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The Gift<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The Guiding Gift<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Style (your choice: sixty-nine years ago or 69<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Twenty-two or 22<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Stronger?: When my paratrooper father jumped out of an airplane sixty-nine years ago and landed on the Normandy beach during the D-Day invasion, he was only one of five men in his company who survived. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: My paratrooper father jumped out of an airplane 69 years ago and landed on the Normandy beach during the D-Day invasion. He was only one of five men in his company to survive. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Singular: after the whirlwind romances common in wartime<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: after a whirlwind romance common in wartime<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete had?: the couple had moved to a small town<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: the couple moved to a small town<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Tense?: especially when life took some unexpected turns such as<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: especially when life takes unexpected turns such as<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword?: took some unexpected turns such as a daughter who began losing vision in middle age and his doctor confirmed a diagnosis of kidney cancer shortly after my father retired.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: takes unexpected turns such as when a daughter loses vision in middle age and he receives a diagnosis of kidney cancer shortly after his own retirement.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Stronger?: Because my family did what loving families do, I offered my father a kidney, and he told me he wished he could give me his eyes.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: My family did what loving families do, so I offered my father a kidney, and he told me he wished he could give me his eyes.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Two sentences stronger, two thoughts;: As it turned out, he was not able to receive a transplant and died two years before I became totally blind and applied for a guide dog from Guiding Eyes for the Blind.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: As it turned out, he was not able to receive a transplant. He died two years before I became totally blind and applied for a guide dog from Guiding Eyes for the Blind.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>More personal than “realized: but I realized there was another far more important way to interpret it:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: but to me there was another far more important interpretation:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “who had”: my father Bill Bennett who had died on January 1, 2000. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: my father Bill Bennett died on January 1, 2000. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: would provide the help <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: would provide the guiding eyes<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Last Battle<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Not sure about title Last Battle<span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “it”: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>It must be someone wanting to see if he needed any of his trees trimmed.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: Someone must want to see if he needed any trees trimmed.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>It again?: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>It was a man dressed as though he was on his way to a golf course.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: A man stood dressed as though he was on his way to a golf course.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=yiv1639530033msonormal>Passive: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>There was a lost look in his eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv1639530033msonormal>Try: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>The man had a lost look in his eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation purposeful?: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>He had seen that look before. Many times.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: He had seen that look before. Many times before.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Or<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>He had seen that look before, many times before.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Dr. Frank?: and handed it to Franks.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>rework: The doctor took the wallet and found his telephone number, committed it to memory. Then he handed it back.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: The doctor took the wallet, found the man’s telephone number, committed it to memory, and handed the wallet back.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete comma: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>willing to give me his wallet, which had the information in it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: willing to give me his wallet which had the information in it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Avoid “then”: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Then she hung up and started for her car to find Tom, but stopped herself. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: She hung up and started for her car to find Tom, but stopped herself. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=yiv1639530033msonormal>A little odd: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Can I hang up now?” Sheriff Tinsley asked.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv1639530033msonormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>“Yes.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Word choice: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>I would rather control him until he gets worse.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>I would rather care for him until he gets worse.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=yiv1639530033msonormal>Simplify Wording: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Some of the details of this account are not true, but the story is basically correct. It is a situation that too many people are facing every day. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv1639530033msonormal>Try: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Some of the details in this account are fictional, but the story illustrates a situation that too many people face every day. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Help Wanted<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Title: Reliable Help Wanted<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Overuse “used”: I started using care givers.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: I started relying on care givers.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>At first, I used someone<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: At first, I hired someone<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Who is reader? 10 Questions to Ask Before hiring a caregiver<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Typo: other people’s homes.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Caregivers one or two words?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Rework: in the quality of care givers I was receiving.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: in the quality of work produced by care givers I was assigned.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Punctuation, use comma: To date, I have used five different agencies. Nine if you count the number of times the agency I was using either sold out to or was taken over by another agency.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: To date, I’ve contracted with five different agencies, nine if you count the number of times the agency I was using either was sold or taken over by another agency.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Using OK here.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Rework punctuation: Let's face it. People who need help are often cranky, frustrated by their own inability to take care of their own needs, sometimes in physical discomfort, and may be inclined to take all this out on their care giver whether they mean to or not.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: Let's face it, people who need help are often cranky, frustrated by their own inability to take care of their own needs, and sometimes in physical discomfort. Clients may be inclined to take all this out on their care giver whether they mean to or not.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Rsquo???<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Rework: The first question to ask, is how well the agency fulfils these high sounding words.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: The first question to ask is, how well does the agency fulfil these high sounding words?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Incomplete sentence, combine with preceding: Finding a person willing to learn, and that has the right disposition for the job.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>the doctor's office provides you with a SUPER???<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Jargon: To file the LTC claim yourself, you are going to need to be able to document the care givers clock in and out time, prove that the ADLs were done, and that the care giver was a qualified person.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Word usage: For this reason, I don't think it is reasonable for an agency to charge for filing the claim. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Redundant: Different agencies handle this in one of three ways that I know of. There may be other ways, but the ones I've encountered are.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I Am / Distance<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Period or comma?: A gentle chime in the storm.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Lavender to purple?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation missing: When my children were small, I tucked them into bed each night<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete comma: I drew a magic circle around their beds, to keep them safe from all harm while they slept.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: I drew a magic circle around their beds to keep them safe from all harm while they slept.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>