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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72" style='word-wrap:break-word'><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Cleora<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Title isn’t clear as to what the article is about. If you are thinking of a magazine, the title is important to catch interest.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>I think it would clearer if you did this in first person.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>## struggle thru the steps. Through is misspelled.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Third paragraph wanders a bit. It would be clearer to say: I needed to make a deposit and transfer the funds from one bank to another. What should have been simple, took me four days to accomplish. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>## Drop such phrases (as it were) they only add distraction to your points.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=yiv6948671799msonormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Marcia <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The first paragraph isn’t clear that you fell asleep while watching “Back to the Future with your grandson. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The dream scenarios are vivid and well written. Your ending line is great. It gives a new twist to living the dream. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=yiv6948671799msonormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Leonard<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>I would use joining rather than joined and expand this paragraph a bit since it isn’t clear that he found you while you were trekking through the woods.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The line: Did someone take you as a pet, could be confusing. It could mean either to mistake you for a pet, or claim him as their pet. Depending how long he was with you, he could have been located by his original owner too.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>In a black dog that looked like you might be clearer if you said that “I looked for you in every black dog that resembled you..<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I guess that 40 years is enough. Perhaps I must accept that 40 years is enough time to understand that you are truly gone from this green earth.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>A small woman who could neither read nor write. You have both a comma and a period at the end of this sentence. As to the meaning, I think I understand. My grandmother never went to school beyond the third grade. The letters she sent me when I was in college were pretty illegible to my readers. They had to spell the owrds to me because she wrote them down phoneticly. So a dozen eggs might be spelled a dozun ags. As long as you understood how she thought, you could make ssense of what she wrote. Counting, addition and subtraction are easier than spelling. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I think the piece would be better suited as a prose piece. That would give you more scope for explaination. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>DeAnna Quietwater Noriega<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cell: 573-544-3511<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Email: <a href="mailto:dqnoriega@gmail.com"><span style='color:#0563C1'>dqnoriega@gmail.com</span></a><o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Author of <i>Fifty Years of Walking with Friends<o:p></o:p></i></p><p class=MsoNormal><i>https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/</i><o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>