[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on DeAnna's sub

[Leonard Tuchyner]

Love the Title. 

In fact, I love the whole poem.  

The words are well chosen for apoem. 

The first stanza is consistentlydone in 10 beats per  line. 

The metaphors  or similies are beautiful. 

Cudos on this one.

 

DeAnna sub for Jan 23

 

     InspirationBirds

 

Geese flyingin a tight  vee formation

across achill January sky.

I walkbriskly below them to keep warm.

Have theybecome confused by climate change?

 

A longingfor spring sunshine circles

like a flockof migrating robins.

Demanding Iwrite spring into being,

Because itwas sunny yesterday.

 

My headfills with a chorus of birdsong.

My thoughtsflit and flutter like sparrows.

no peaceuntil I’ve  netted them in words,

a paean tosunshine and flowers.

  

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email: dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walkingwith Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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Leonard I. Tuchyner, Author
 
https://www.dldbooks.com/tuchyner/

 
  
 
 

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