[Critique Group 1] Cleora's Sept notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Leonard
There are several places where 2 spaces appear together.
This can be easily corrected with a multi search and replace.
The catfish story is amusing. I feel sorry for the poor desperate catfish.
But, What does that have to do with April liking the water?
She didn't get into the water to help you with the fish.
These are very intelligent dogs.
It doesn't have a point. No one changes.
According to my writing teacher years ago, this is just a recollection.
It isn't a story.
However, I read an article in The Writer recently that said it isn’t important anymore for a piece to have a point.
So, who knows. Still, I think it needs for the main character to grow or change in some way.
Marsha
[comments for Marsha
type o?
The lost was nearly
I think you meant lot was empty?
it took me half a day to register that cruiser was the clue to who "I" is
consider adding police cruiser for us slow ones.
perhaps say Pete looked up to make it clear he is the one speaking.
extra quote before but I don't in sentence with like to watch her strut her stuff
delete the quote after
you got that right, Pete.
an extra quote at
Hamilton wants, don’t you?””
need an ending quote on the sentence
“What about the big boys around here
need quote after
“Could be,
space in wrong place
trouble, “I said.
need quote before
On the other hand,
I wonder if a cop would refer to the employee as "your gal"
maybe staff member, employee, colleague
need quote at
Maybe whoever has
quote needed at
Braun will figure
hmmm it's starting to sound like Hamilton, Reed, and Roberts are in this together.
I'm not sure if it is Hamilton or Roberts that talked about going to the mayor.
sentence is on a new line but there is no blank line, then Hamilton spins and walks away like it was her that said it.
reading level 4.8
1.8% passive
The posts in the WPL about identifying passive voice have really been helpful
DeAnna
Cleora: I was wondering what this was all about,
and then you start talking about how the use of Lamia has a calming effect.
What I received was one long paragraph.
I think maybe the email system took out the line breaks.
Good description of how a handler and guide dog work together.
Word wanted to make start up one word
It also wants to make trade offs one word
Grade level 7.8
1.4% passive sentences
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <https://bluegrasspals.com/pipermail/group1/attachments/20221030/1ff1330c/attachment.htm>