[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on Martia's Piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

Saucy and fun.  

Veronica want’s  to be discriminatory, for good reason. 

She rejects her mother, 

but I think she has her values.  

This promises to be interesting.

 

Martia sub for July 21

 

As Good As It Gets

Word Count:  734

 

 

Robbie Braun dipped the brim of his Stetson asif scanning notes on his pad. However, behind mirrored lenses, his alert greeneyes tracked the new reporter’s back side as she retreated from the accidentscene. Claudia’s choice of footwear, those strange clog things, hinted at herbeing a hippie or flower child, probably one of those women libbers. Hegroaned. She hailed from Colorado, he knew, so perhaps she’d prove rugged. Shelooked confident enough wielding a camera, Robbie thought, but could she carrya hunting rifle? Well anyway, the country would test her mettle.

Good paragraph.  It really sets the scene. Good description.

 

 At least the reporter wasn’t another cityslicker like Veronica, the other new looker in town, a high-fashion corporatetype hired to handle publicity at the furniture factory. Robbie had to admitthough that new women offered a nice change in scenery. 

 This sets up a  competition between the two women. 

At least in Rob’s mind.  

It tells where his mind is 

and what is important to him.

A country boy, he couldn’t imagine either ofthe new women in town giving a small town cop the time of day, yet hefantasized about perfume and lipstick on his collar. 

 

Officer Braun had already kissed all the localgirls. One by one, he’d dated them all either during high school or afterreturning from the service in Korea. At least, he didn’t have to worry aboutkissing cousins in the small town – he was the only son of Dutch immigrantsstolen by yellow fever. Orphaned before family roots were planted, Robbie wasthrust into manhood at age 16.

 Good background material on Robbie.

Things were sure changing fast around town, hemused. Used to be he could name all the locals. Now, since the new highway hadshortened the travel time from Grand Rapids, strangers flocked to the lakesidevillage like it was a trendy resort. Sure, the influx of customers withdisposable income was welcome by the local merchants, but Officer Braun wasbothered by the increasing number of noise complaints and beer cans litteringthe beaches, not to mention strangers crashing their cars into trees.

 

Recalling the paperwork he’d have to file onthe Drunk driver, the cop returned to his cruiser and ignited the V8. Deftly,he cranked the wheel and radial tires hit the asphalt. Robbie thought about theway life used to be, when things were predictable. Most days he’d be off shiftand home in time for an early supper. Home was his favorite eatery. He’d pilehis dinner plate with wild game he himself had bagged and butchered, gardenfresh vegetables, and eggs collected daily from his flock of noisy chickens.Weekends, he fished, hunted, or toiled to restore his two-story cedar shinglehome, perched on a western hillside overlooking the valley. Future dreamscalled for a fish pond, a three-bay garage, a tractor, and perhaps a lovingwoman - if he could find one he could tolerate for more than a week. Now thatwould be about as good as it gets.

 Who would that be? I pitty her.

***

 

Veronica plucked her eyebrows and consideredwhat to wear to the Harvest Barn Dance. She’d heard about the new reporter andcouldn’t wait to meet her. Finally, another young woman who wasn’t a local.Local ladies were nice enough, she thought. They just didn’t talk aboutanything but making pies, high school football, babies, and canning pickle.

(Pickles.) 

 

Veronica was starved for friendship. She’dplanted herself in this dead-end town to spite her mother, but her mother wascruising the seas south of France with her latest lover and couldn’t bebothered wondering what her daughter was doing in nowheresville USA. Soonenough, in six months when her inheritance was entrusted to her at age 26,Veronica would no longer live only to appease her mother. She’d be free to snubher nose at the parade of step-fathers, half-siblings, and freeloaders whocow-towed to her TV star mom. Meanwhile, she was hiding in a town where no oneknew her famous mother, or the story of her daughter’s lonely childhood.

Good summary of Veronica.  A different view of her than has beenpresented. 

These days, Veronica wasn’t lonely. She had astable of men to keep her warm. She’d love to jump the rugged bones of thegood-looking local cop’s, but she had a policy. No dating locals. It was saferto engage with out-of-town sales reps, dealers, architects, and designers whowouldn’t kiss and tell, especially if they were married. Even better. Marriedmen didn’t talk to their wives or each other about trysts while on businesstrips. Married men fancied Veronica for her discretion as much as she appreciatedtheirs.

 I guess the way she lives  and the values she keeps, she would want  to keep her affairs to herself.
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