[Critique Group 1] cleora's october notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Marsha thanks for the notes on lay & lie

[comments for Sally
I am uncertain about the first part.
Sad that your friend couldn't remember how to make a bed.
It is a very touching poem. It reaches to the very core of my being.

[Comments for Leonard
You were fortunate only to get bruised and no broken ribs.
I think Some of the lines are a little long, so that it doesn't flow well all the way thru.

[comments for DeAnna
At first I was wondering about the indian name.
Then, at the end, I think I realized it came from his deep voice.
I love how each member spread the ashes. 
This is a perfect ending.

[comments for Marsha
I like the first person version best.
After you explained that the 2 main characters are different versions of yourself, I think it should come from the viewpoint of Claudia. This will allow you to explore her feelings more personally.