[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on Sally's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

This is a powerful poem.  



It is one of a series which cronicles theprocess you are going through. 



You seem to have reached a new phase. 



A good one. 



                                               HERE



 



 



Elevenmonths have come and gone



SinceI became a widow.



Onemoment rearranged my world



Inways I’d yet to fathom.



Ithought perhaps he would be near,



Apartner on my journey.



In asilent home, I strained to catch



hisvoice or find proof his spirit lingered.



Leave out find. It doesn’t need to be there for understanding, and it flows betterwithout it. 



Nointuition or wondering prayer



Broughtforth a true connection



Untilisolation slowed my pace,



AndI had time to listen.



 



Ifelt his presence like 



Leave out ‘like’. 



Again it is a flow suggestion.



Acloak of caring and protection



Thatwarmed my body and frozen soul



I really like ‘frozen soul.’



Andoffered hope of resurrection.



 



                                                                                                               -Sally Rosenthal



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