[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on DeAnna's piece for july

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

608words

Dogwood Blossom

By DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

 

               Lisa loved the spring. The air was fresh with a touch of chill in it and thewild flowers lifted bright faces to 

drink the gentle gold of sunlight. 

Beautiful phrase.

 

GrandmaEmma had given her the name Dogwood Blossom, because she said that she was sucha beautiful baby and was born in spring. Grandpa Elijah had made a cradle boardfor her and Grandma had used porcupine quills and glass trade beads to putdogwood flowers on it. 

Put a new paragraph here.

Theyhadn’t been happy when their eldest daughter, Mary Esther, ran off with IsaacSwan. All was forgiven though, when Mary Esther returned home with their firstgrandchild. Everyone in her family had both birth certificate names andChippewa ones that were given to reflect who they were as people. Grandpa’sname was Red bird and Grandma Emma’s was Twilight Woman. Mamma’s was LittleDove. Lisa was glad to be Chippewa and to have a special name that was chosento reflect the kind of person she was rather than an ordinary name. There wereat least three girls named Lisa at her school in town, but she was the onlygirl she knew named Dogwood Flower. 

 

Sheliked to call a friendly “Hello,” to the dogwood tree that grew in herbackyard. Each spring, it was covered with beautiful flowers. In the summer,the tree provided plenty of shade and it had lovely autumn leaves too. Today,Lisa was sitting under its flowering branches, doing her homework. She glancedup at the sound of a car, pulling into the driveway to the left of her home.Something fell from the branches of the thorn apple tree that grew between theside of the house and the gravel drive. The car jerked to a stop, but not intime to avoid hitting a falling bundle. 

 

Lisadropped her math book and raced to the driver’s side of the car. Mariah Big Elksat stunned behind the wheel. Ryan sent-up a wail from his perch in the tree. 

 

“Mrs.Big Elk, are you alright?” asked Lisa. 

 

MariahBig Elk’s voice shook as she asked “Did I hit one of your brothers?” 

 

Lisaglanced to confirm her suspicion. “No, it was a dummy I made out of some ofRyan’s outgrown clothes. Ryan come down and tell Mrs. Big Elk you are sorry forscaring her!”

 He didn’t do it on purpose.

Ryanclambered down and presented his tear smudged face beside Mariah’s car window. 

 

“I’msorry! Max isn’t a very good tree climber. We were playing in our tree and hejust fell-out. 





 


New paragraph.Lisa explained, “Ever since Little Leaguepractice started up, our brother Mike has been too busy to play with our littlebrother.  Lisa scrambled to retrieve the pair of small jeans, flannelshirt and hooded sweatshirt that she had stuffed as a playmate. 

 That was a kind thing she did for herlittle brother. Making him an artificial playmate.

Mariahlooked down at the small boy, clutching his scarecrow buddy. “You had betternot take Max up into trees any more. Your new friend certainly scared this oldcrow falling out of that tree in front of my car. Lisa, I was stopping off tobring your family some of my rhubarb jam. I know your mother doesn’t have muchtime to grow a garden and put up things, having to work two jobs like she does.My rhubarb is going to be ready again soon, so I am clearing out last year’sextra jars.”

 Really, what were the chances of thathappening again?

“Thankyou! We love your jams and jellies. Grandpa says you make the best root beerand pickles on the Rez. You are kind to gift us with this jam.” Lisa claspedthe jam and bent her head respectfully to the elder of her clan.  

 Respect is a big thing on the ress.
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