[Critique Group 1] Cleora's notes for Dec, 2019

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Sorry I'm just now getting this done. It has been a hectic month.

DeAnna, I didn't receive your notes 

[comments for Leonard
The 2 times I've been in the group when you joined suggests your recovery is going to be very good.
That is great.
I see you are submitting your Ode to Flaw for publication. Good luck.
My comments on Ode to Flaw
It starts talking about perfection in motion and balance in human emotion.
forming the celestial spinning wheel.
But, this is not possible forever.
I'm not sure who the dweller is. All living things or a person in particular.
Now, Something happens to mess up the balance.
Now the Gyroscope  becomes a Whirligig ?
Tossed to and fro by prevailing forces?
Like the child that loses a pet.
We search for the perfect mate only to find that person doesn't exist.
And neither are we perfect, so we settle for something less, but acceptable.
We learn and grow in an imperfect state.

Now we switch to a river.
River of life perhaps?
A river cannot flow in a circle since it would go nowhere.
There has to be a driving force.
A river has wide and narrow spots.
It twists and turns to go around and over barriers.
It has eddies and snakes from side to side over time like we might change our minds as we learn and grow.
it may wear away at barriers it can't cut thru and eventually erode them away.
the same as we may solve or work around problems.
A person starting a business wants the product to be perfect.
It is his pride and joy.
No one can do the job as well as he can.
But, in order for the business  to grow, he must accept that he needs help and that the people he hires will not have the same level of perfection he puts into the work.
He can make more with others contributing 80% or more of the job the way he would do it than he can by trying to do it all himself.

It seems to be saying there is no progress or growth without imperfection.
and that perfection is unattainable.
We start out perfect, but soon learn that we are flawed.
Thus, our need for a savior is evident.
We cannot achieve perfection in ourselves.
Only God can provide the necessary ingredient.

[comments for Marsha
The first sentence seems weak to me. It doesn't really encourage me to read on.
I don't get the vampire slayer bit.
I like the curious kitten
Not sure why the predators are being referred to as vampires.
vampires are undead blood suckers. how does this relate to the predators she stalks?
I'm not a cat expert, but isn't it unusual for cats to roll in the dirt?
after caught were squirrels, maybe a semi-colon? or period?
I'm confused about the time frame.
Is the 8  years of marriage part of the 10 years ago that he gave you the cat?
Ok, now 7 years ago you apply for a guide dog. 
is this 3 years after getting the cat? 
I think it probably is, otherwise the cat would be getting pretty old by now, but it's not real clear to me.
No takers? Is this because Buffy was hostile to potential adopters, or no one was interested.
No joke, I'm worried for the dogs safety. Labs are characteristically acceptant of other animals and people in the home.
The vampire slayer bit fits into the story better later on after we have a sense of who buffy is. Perhaps introduce the title a little at a time.
"wanted in on the act" 
perhaps instead
Wanted in on the action or wanted part of the action
Now Buffy is entering her 18th year. So, was I wrong about my time line assumption?
So, this is a recent loss?
So she can continue to keep an eye on things
maybe a stronger word than things? "things" seems flat, anticlimactic to me.
continue to patrol the premises?
guard the yard?
I think you intended a stronger parallel between the cat's ending days and the humans ending days, but I don't feel it.
However, This last part takes me back to my brother's passing in January of 2014.

[Comments for Sally
To me it is Suggesting that when we are the only one left, the holiday resurrects memories of holiday celebrations past with loved ones.
These memories are not like the pictures in the Hallmark card of the perfect Christmas scene and happy smiling faces.
The reality, whatever it is, is different from the picture in the card.
I used to always keep my Christmas cards and I would go back and look at them and organize them periodically.
The ones I really liked were the ones with a personal note, or letter about what had happened during the past year.
I also thought about the point Marsha had about the period or semi-colon.
I would have put a semi-colon.[

[comments for DeAnna
Seems I've read this story before.
A touching and imaginative story built around the song.
You have chosen active verbs, but they tell the story more than bring the reader into the scenes.
I think this is a good peace and is worth developing fully.
I wouldn't worry too much about people being offended that it gives a fantasy answer to the ribbons rather than God providing them.
Depends on the audience. I'm sure you've heard the saying, "God works in misterious ways."