[Critique Group 1] Cleora's notes for the August critique

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for DeAnna
The description of the neighborhood caught the effect of poverty and despair.
The description of the first girl leaves me wondering why she is so thin.
The comments of the girls show how they are already accepting the attitudes of defeat their parents hold.
How as children we dream.
and how our dreams are too often brushed aside or crushed by our parents and attitudes of other adults toward life.
I took a short trip down memory lane.
then I lost the feeling.
The words  "do you believe in magic" reminds me of the song.
I think it is too much of a cliché. It distracts from the power of the piece.

[comments for Leonard
Interesting.
With the idea of love having a smell, I think of the perfume or cologne the person habitually wears.
I can even go with the roses.
I can somewhat follow along with the breeze, wife’s touch.
I find it hard to relate to the sounds.
Maybe a song that has a meaning for the event or person.
I think the things should evoke a memory a feeling to express love to the person.
I think mostly, these things do not remind me of love I have felt in the past. I think that makes this piece very intimate and specific for those who can relate and are stirred by the ideas given.

[comments for Marsha
I think we need more testimonials about our faith in God.
It seems now a days the only ones with the right to speak out are the agnostics, atheists or anyone who is of some faith other than Christian.
I am dismayed by the movements in this country to make us free from religion instead of free to worship God. I have a friend that I introduced to the teachings of the Bible several years ago. Growing up she would watch the neighbors who typically didn’t get up early, and wondered what it was about religion that caused them to be up early and go to church on Sunday. We shared an apartment while we were attending the same school, and every night I read the Bible. I read it to her when I read because she is not a good reader. She later obeyed the gospel.
I think your idea of giving your grandson a easy to read and understand copy of the Bible may be risky, but is a good one. I hope you can work it out with your daughter.