[Critique Group 1] Fwd: Leonard's comments re: Cleora's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

-----Original Message-----
From: tuchyner5 <tuchyner5 at aol.com>
To: group1 <group1 at aol.com>
Sent: Tue, Oct 1, 2019 11:08 am
Subject: Leonard's comments re: Cleora's piece

    
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I enjoyed this chapter. 
 
But I don’t get  completely how the tiara thing works.  
 
I like the change in Sitting. 
 
I love that she pooped on  the dwarf’s notes. 
 
Good action throughout. Good dialogue.
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The Game Begins

 

“Who is themessage from?” asked Sitting.

 

“From King Almeroof Anathema in the kingdom of Silent Enigma,”answered the crystal ball.

 

Sitting groaned.“Driver?” she called out.

 

Driver appearedin the doorway. “Yes, my liege.”

 

“You said youhave a report?”

 

“Yes, yourmajesty. Would you like to hear it now?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Enemy wizardsmade continuous attempts to cause storms and drought on our lands.Unfortunately, some of their attempts were successful. Thousands of ourpeasants died as a result. We caught thieves trying to steal our resources, butsome got through. As a result, we were unable to pay our army. Still, many ofour loyal troops remained and we were able to repel an enemy attack. We lost589 soldiers in the attack. Members of the kingdom observed what was happeningand sent aid. As a result we were able to maintain most of the province.”

 

Sitting droppedher gaze. She knew what he was so tactfully not saying. In her absence, theydidn’t have what they needed to maintain the province. It had survived the bestit could on the strength of the former ruler, and the confidence the kingdomhad that she would return and deal with the issue. Lifting her gaze she metDriver’s eyes. “What 

is our currentsituation?”Who was the former ruler?Was it Sitting?

 

“We have foodstores to last a few days. Now that our people have assumed their true form, wehave a guild of thieves, and our wizards are working to put the Wizard’s Towerin order.”

 

“Call Anthoneeand Fire Light for me.”

 

A short timelater, Anthonee and Fire Light appeared in her Control Center.“Gentlemen, I want to apologize to all of you for my absence.” She looked ateach of them in turn. They nodded back. “This is what I want you to do. Firelight, have your team block as many spell attempts as you can, as I know youwould even without my order. Put out a request in my name to the kingdom forwhatever you need. Let’s send storms, drought and anything else you can on theenemy king’s province.” 

 

“My liege,” saidFire Light. “If I may, if the thieves guild could help us in the meantime bystealing food and get back our runes and gold it would be helpful.”

 

She looked atAnthonee. He was making a note. “consider it done,” he said. “May I suggest, myQueen, my thieves are skilled in propaganda. With your permission, I think Imay be able to get some of the enemy army to come to our side. Intelligence hasit that many of the troops in the enemy camp are not happy with the tacticsbeing used in this war.”

 

“Good idea,” saidSitting. “That reminds me, gather and share any information you can about theenemy with the rest of the kingdom. I will be meeting with the rest of therulers shortly to outline my plan and get us organized.”

Things seem to happen so quickly in thisland.  For example, how did all thoserulers get to the meeting place so quickly?

 

 

Driver appearedin the doorway in time to overhear. “We are going to war, then?” he asked.

 

“Maybe,” shesaid, a curious glint in her eye.

 

He nodded andsmiled. “The rulers are assembled and waiting for you, my liege,” he said.

 

“Thank you, Driver,”she said. Then, to the others, “You have your orders. Let me know how it goes.”They nodded and left. Sitting hopped down and followed Driver to the CouncilChamber. 

 

Positioningherself on the chair at the head of the table, she looked around the room atthe attendees. 

 

“Welcome back,”said Sir Regis. “I see you voted for yourself, the Land has given you a crown,and your subjects have their proper form.”

 

“Do you have aplan to get us out of this mess?” asked Sir Dragon.

 

“Thank you,” saidQueen Sitting,” nodding at Regis. “ “Yes. I have learned a great deal about howthings work while I was away. I want to thank all of you for the support youhave given. That showed a great deal of confidence that I’m not sure Ideserved.”

 

“I always knewyou would come through,” said Sir Dog Breath.

Why does he have such a derrogatory name?

 

“hear, hear,”said Sir Dark Merlin. “I have no doubt you will bring us through this.”

 

“Are all of younuts?” said Mr. Pez gordo the dwarf ruler of Torre de queso. “We’re being eatenalive.” All heads turn to look at Pez. “All this stupid fowl has done is try torun away.”

 

“She’s back now,”said Sir Dark Merlin. 

 

“She’s worthless,I tell you,” Pez insisted. 

 

“She killed thedragon Silent Enigma sent,” added Regis.

 

“That was anaccident. The fish killed it. It just happened to die on her province,” saidPez.

 

“She shared itwith all of us,” said Dog Breath. “The parts I took were most valuable.”

 

“The dragon bloodincreased the fervor of my army tenfold,” said Regis.

 

“Need I remindyou she needs a grasshopper to see? Look at that stupid bonnet on her head. Canyou imagine meeting that spectacle in war? We’ll be laughed out of the land.” 

Is there enough room on a duck’s head for a tiara and a bonnet for grasshopper toride in?

 

“That stupidbonnet, as you call it, was made by me,” bristled Dark Merlin. 

 

“She has no cluewhat to do.” Pez continued, ignoring Dark Merlin. “The only reason she’s backis because she got lost and some griffin from another kingdom brought her back here.Are you honestly going to accept her back without question? I’ll bet that shemade a deal with the enemy to spare her life and she’s back to sell us out.Let’s eat her and be done with her. I’ll be happy to step up as monarch and endthis mess with surrender.”

 

“I thought weagreed we didn't want to surrender,” said Sir Dragon.

Why does a ruler have a Sir name. Isn’t that forknights?

 

“She called thismeeting. Let’s hear what she has to say,” said Lady Doom of The Scarlet Witch.

 

Sitting drew in adeep breath and blew it out through her nostrils. Her eyes focused on the floorin front of her for a long time. Through Grasshopper she could see that alleyes were on her. Waiting. Finally, she lifted her gaze and stared directly atMr. Pez. With a slight hop and flap of her wings, she lifted herself off thechair and landed on the end of the table. Striding steadily down the center ofthe table, she kept her eyes focused on Pez as she walked toward him. Therulers drew back their notepads and drinks to clear a path. She stepped up onPez’s papers and stopped, the tip of her bill centimeters from his broad nose.“You are right. I have been out visiting around. I found out some veryinteresting information about you. During the short time you have been in thekingdom, you have done nothing noteworthy. In fact, you have sent no aid. But,you have received aid. You have made no attacks, which is interesting since youare a dwarf. 

What does his beeing a dwarf got to do with hislack of attacking?

 

Intelligence revealsthat your army is barely large enough to defend your lands, and you have madeno effort to protect the unusually high volume of food and gold your provinceproduces from thieves. This is curious. Why do you need so much food and gold?”She paused, her piercing eyes boring into his. Pez glanced around the room atthe other rulers. Through her link with Grasshopper she could see the otherrulers glaring at him. “I’ll tell you why,” she continued. “Reports have itthat thieves from Silent Enigma have been stealing you blind, pun intended. 

Is the pun about Sitting’s near sightedndness? 

 

In fact, it seemsthe gold used to hire the dragon that recently visited our kingdom was largelyfunded by gold taken from your province. In short, You, my friend, are what’sknown as a farm. I understand that people who are unhappy with their currentkingdom can appeal to the Lords of Land of Legions and move to another kingdom.I suggest you are very unhappy here. Am I right?”

Can you explain what ‘farm’ means. I never heard it used that way.

Is Sitting implyhing that the gold wasdonnated  by his province, or that it wasstolen only as a ruse?

 

Pez’s eyes grewlarge, and he swallowed hard. Through Grasshopper, Sitting could see that theother rulers expressions had turned threatening.

 

“Um,” stammeredPez. “Yes, in fact, I was considering a move this very morning.”

 

“Guards,” calledout Sitting loud enough to be heard outside the room. Then, in a cold whisper,staring directly into Pez’s eyes, “Now would be a good time.”

 

Pez looked ateach of the other rulers, then up at the door as he pushed his chair back. Hestarted to reach for his notes, but thought better of it. Two guards enteredthe room, and taking him by either arm, they escorted him out.

The confrontation scene was written very well. 

 

Sitting, turned,deposited a blob on his papers and walked back to the head of the table.Turning to face the group once again, she sat down on the end of the table.“Anyone else have something to say before we get down to business?” They eachshook their head as she looked at them in turn. “good. We are going to need aMinister of War.” She looked at Regis. He nodded. “A Minister of intelligence,or an Arch mage and Leader of the Thieves Guild.”

 

“I can beMinister of the Underground,” offered Dark Merlyn.

 

“I would like toserve as Arch mage,” said Lady Doom. 

 

Dark Merlinnodded at Lady Doom. “I would be pleased to have you as my partner,” said DarkMerlin.

 

“Excellent,” saidSitting. Then, speaking to the group, “This is what I want you to do... .” Overthe next several minutes, Sitting revealed the details of her plan. “Now, thisis very important. If any of the enemy attempts to contact you, do not respondto them. Don’t talk to them or communicate with them in any way. Direct allinquiries to me.”

 

Everyone noddedtheir consent. 

 

Suddenly, therewas a collective gasp as the tiara disappeared from Sittings head.

 

“Mr. Pez gordo ofTorre de queso must be gone,” observed Sir Toby the Halfling rogue ruler ofWalton on the Hill. “I was waiting to cast my vote to see if you would be aworthy ruler. After today, I am convinced. I will cast my vote for youimmediately, and I would like to join the team as your Leader of the ThievesGuild.”

 

 

 

 

“And I willchange my vote from Sir Dragon to you,” said Sir Jonny Cage the Dwarf ruler ofSykes empire.

 

Sitting did amental calculation. That would give her seven votes to Dragon’s four. shethought for a moment. An idea had occurred to her before when she saw thatcasting or uncasting her vote would change her status back and forth.

 

“Thank you foryour votes of confidence,” she began. “What I would like you to do, Sir JonnyCage, is leave your vote the way it is. With Sir Toby’s vote, It will be backthe way it was with me having one more vote than Sir Dragon. Then, I will beable to slip my crown off and on by changing my vote. I would like all of youto keep an eye on it and make sure that situation continues. I want to havesome fun with our disagreeable enemy.”

I still don’t get the tiara thing.

 

The other rulersexchanged questioning glances, and then back at Sitting. They all wondered whatshe had up her bonnet, and some even felt a little sorry for the enemy.

 

She gave a coupleof little squeaks and winked mischievously. “Let’s be about it folks,” shesaid.

 

To becontinued...

 

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