[Critique Group 1] cleora's notes for april meeting

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for Leonard
Another poem on the cycle of life.
I think the 2nd sentence is too long.
suggest ending it at a Mardi Gras before demise,
Then, next line is new sentence.
period after where the dead are known to dwell.
or
I would start a new stanza at
Rustlings say, “She will come again.

[comments for Marsha
I feel your pain.
This is a good piece. I think it could be expanded to include other types of bathrooms such as the uni-sex bathrooms that try to accommodate everyone.
first pass
Alas, I fear, that like the design of houses, there is no consideration for those that have to use or live in the facility.
There is the helpful bathroom person that wants to come in with you or watch while you perform your task, fearful, it seems that a blind person cannot do such a thing without help.
You could expand this to include problems people in a wheelchair face,
and other types of bathrooms.
Then there are the bathrooms that have a toilet paper stand that may be found anywhere in the room, and knocked over when you finally find it.
We hope it didn't fall into anything wet or sticky when it fell.
There may also be a stack of paper towels on the sink counter.
Why am I always embarrassed when someone points this out as I search in vain for something to dry my hands?
Ten there are the high toilets, and the low toilets, and is there such a thing as a medium toilet?
Oh, and don't forget about the bathrooms that are in the back behind all the pipes and who knows what else that you have to walk past to get to it. Usually, these paths are not wide enough to accommodate a guide dog, and how in the world would he know how to lead you?
I'm thinking, 'This seemed like such a good idea when nature suggested it.' as I'm carefully feeling my way back.
Now, I'm not so sure.
second pass
As far as I know,
stalls that open out are always for the handicapped.
open in is for regular people.
Otherwise, people in a wheelchair can't get in and close the door.
It’s no help to the blind, but typically, toilet paper dispensers are mounted back to back.
That is, if the first stall has it on the left, the next will have it on the right so the same bolts hold both on.
This is because it is more efficient to mount them that way.
and I think maybe it has something to do with sides that have the holes to mount the dispenser
so if you turn to the right to go into the first stall,
the paper dispenser should be on your right when you turn around to sit.
If it is the second stall on the right, the dispenser will be on your left. 
I.e. the dispenser for the second stall will be fastened to the same stall wall as the first stall.
if you go to the left into the first stall on the left, when you turn around it should be on your left.
There is no helpful convention for finding the paper towel or dryer, or the trash.
Even worse are the uni-sex stalls.
They may be big as a bedroom with the toilet who knows where.
At least you can close and lock the door and search in private.
Then, panic rises in my soul when I get ready to leave. Which way is the door?
At least people in a wheelchair can typically see what they have to deal with. But, not always. They may be visually impaired as well. They have to get in, somehow close and lock the door, then typically they slide out of their chair onto the toilet.
For them, in addition to the other problems, there is the toilet seat height. 
If it is too low, or too high there is a problem.
Depending on how the seat is formed, they may also have a problem with access to finishing their business.
Just some thoughts on how you could expand this one, or have a new one with a different focus.

[comments for Sally
This gives whole new meaning to writer's block.
I would leave out the stanza starting
words that could turn ...
I think this is redundant.
But just not now
says it all.

[comments for DeAnna
I'm sure it is because of the problems in sending it, but I will mention it anyway.
Chapt in Chapter is missing
I had never really thought about it. I had 2 German Shepherds when I was growing up.
Now that you mention it, I do remember they were very expressive.
Maybe you used imbib to give his response a snooty air,, 
or indicate large quantity.
I wasn't sure how you were intending to use this word. I don't know how many people would be familiar with this word.
I think the imaginary conversation with the dog would benefit from a description of what the dog is doing and any sounds it you are able to put in.
The conversation with the dog is too long. Pick out the best, and try to cut it in half.
After hearing your explanation for using the journal here, I would suggest putting it in an appendix labeled as a daily log and just put the essential information in the chapter like you have in the other chapters.
Same with the very amusing and enlightening conversation with the dog.
There is a lot of valuable information in the chapter.
If you broke it up and put some in appendixes, a person could turn to the Table of Contents and quickly move to this part of the book to read it.
Focus on you and the dog in this chapter like in the others.
The garlic bread.
Like the commercial, sometimes it's hard to do the right thing.
I was able to get into it shortly after that when talking about the problems you were having and training the dog to do various things.
What is the oiling all about?
I didn't understand about the magnetic boots.
The woman worried about germs was funny, and showed the reaction some people will have.
The skit about the dogs talking about their trainers was cute.
Again, maybe pull it out into an appendix, or short story.
More  information about the dogs getting sick would help new dog handlers, I think.
I enjoyed the piece, especially the ending.
The ending was more on par with your previous writing.
I don't usually read a book in one sitting. even with a digital book.
But, when I stop, I like to make it at a chapter break. Finish a thought, as it were.
You will have a Table of Contents. By separating sections out into a separate chapter, part, or appendix, it would make it easy for the reader to pick out what they want to read and go directly to it.