[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments for Sally's June piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

The synchronisity between loss of the ringand loss of husband is uincanny.  



I think this kind of thing  happens a lot; especially where the loss ofan associated item presages the loss of a relationship.  



I wonder if you had a premonition when youlost the ring. 



Of course, I realize you were aware ofyour husband’s precarious health . 



You’ve told the story in this poem withmaximum effect and minimal words.




 



 


                       LOSS



 



 



Aweek before my husband died,



Ilost my wedding ring.



Itslipped, unnoticed, from my finger 



Androlled away forever



Great line.



Ontoa coffee shop’s parking lot,



Amongapples in the produce department,



Orinto wet grass at dusk. 



I can sense the workings of your mind asyou try to figure out what might have happened to the ring.



 



Isearched to no avail



Andhoped it would magically appear



Underour kitchen table,



Beneathsocks in the laundry basket,



Orin the dryer’s lint filter.



 The expression  of hope in the face of despair is masterfully portrayed. 



Aweek after I lost my wedding ring,



Myhusband died when a burst aneurysm



Floodedhis brain with blood at breakfast.



Powerful, gut-wrenching description



Holdinghis hand in intensive care and



Signingorgan donation forms, I knew



The signing of donation forms really saysthis is final more than just saying it.



Myhusband, like the ring, was gone forever.



 



 



                                               Sally Rosenthal



 



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