[Critique Group 1] June notes from Cleora

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

I only have Leonard's notes from June. But, I realized I haven't sent mine either. So, here they are.

[comments for DeAnna
instead of expected to guide
how about adopted or agreed to guide.
seems more personal or intimate than expected
I'm trying to think of a word that sounds like the dog was active in the decision.
I'm assuming if the book is recorded, the song will be performed.
Is there a common tune we can imagine the lyrics to?
The skits are an amusing way to tell people who are considering getting a dog what kind of behavior they need to watch for and correct in their dog.
There is a lot of information here about the different perils & problems a guide dog as well as a handler faces.
Chloe: I didn't know what tres dificile was 
dog on the street
It is a little long, but people can read one or more skits at a time and get a sense of having read a complete section if they want.
impressive BIO

[comments for Sally
It gave me the impression that the loss of the ring was an omen of what was to come.
maybe question marks instead of commas for each line telling where you searched to slow it down so the reader searches each spot mentally.

[comments for Leonard
I guess you didn't mean to conform to any form.
This is provocative.
In the matter of reperation, how would yo you determine who is to pay and now much. Every group of people is guilty of offenses against others.

[comments for Marsha
They say that about the weather in Texas as well.
early dismissals were called early
Maybe that morning or in the wee hours if that fits instead of early in the morning
should it be happened instead of happens on the blizzard warning?
that phrase 
fat rain drops transformed into fluffy snow flakes
I like this description. I'm reading trying to imagine that happening. I always thought snow formed in the clouds.
Growing up in the panhandle of Texas, I haven't had opportunity to see snow very often.
This adds to your father's reaction for me. It's like I'm seeing snow for the first time as well.
the last 2 paragraphs
"as if" clouds were having a pillow fight
maybe, in the sky, clouds billowed in a rumble tumble pillow fight.
like a 4 year old, I stuck out my tongue as if tasting 
maybe there is a way to say it without putting the "as if" in front of the clouds and tasting.
Maybe 
I stuck out my tongue, tasting the snow like I did when I was 4 years old.
like a 4 year old, I stuck out my tongue remembering tasting snow for the first time.
or, yes, it tasted the same.
This captures the wonder of nature by a man advanced in years.
It shows we can be amazed like a child at any age, even if it is because of Alzheimer’s in his case, or looking at things through a child’s eyes in yours.