[Critique Group 1] Sally's February comments

[Sally Rosenthal]

Sally's February comments:

Deanna: The bath scene was pitch perfect and will ring true for all dog
owners.  Although we got a very good picture of Griffin in the first part of
this chapter, I feel that your poem about him at the end of this chapter
sums him up so well.  I like this poem and what it says about the bond
between guide dogs and handlers even more than I liked "Loving Amber Eyes"
about Tammy.  This chapter seems a little choppy to me.  There don't seem to
be any transitions from one part to another; we jump from the bathing to
your Colorado store to tacos without anything to tie these sections
together.  Moving from tacos to the section about your daughter and her
children isn't choppy since Amberlee is part of each section.  Your daughter
has three children; Amberlee is the youngest child, not the youngest
daughter.  As there are two daughters and one son, she should be called the
younger daughter.

Marcia: This is so whimsical; you must have had a good time writing it.  In
addition to all the food references in nature, I think your use of food
descriptive words in other contexts is clever - i.e., "hungered" for a walk,
"lemon" suit, etc.  As a blind reader, I understand that there are varying
degrees of vision loss and that guide dogs offer help to people with legal
blindness to no light perception.  However, a reader with no first-hand
knowledge of vision loss might be confused.  Why is someone who uses a guide
dog able to see so much of the world around her?  Or are the descriptions
from memory?  It isn't clear.  Otherwise, I really enjoyed this.

Leonard: This is so unlike anything else of yours that I have read.  From
what I have read so far, I am uncertain about what the title implies.  You
mention that you aren't sure where you are going with this story, and I
share that feeling.  I can't decide if it is myth/folklore or a spin on
modern dating/romance.  The mixture of mythical elements and modern
relationship/sexual innuendo is jarring.

Cleora: I think the story, except for the locations, has become much more
fluid.  There is more of a partnership between Sitting and Grasshopper as
shown through their actions and the dialogue.  Like Sitting, I am confused
about where she and Grasshopper are.  As a reader, I am beginning to wonder
about their changing locations' names and also how the two of them will get
back on the road to the South to meet up with the other ducks in Sitting's
flock.  I also wondered if a fox can swim since they are members of the cat
family, so I googled and found mixed answers.  They are not generally known
to swim and will typically avoid water but can swim instinctively.  Good
cliff-hanger ending.

 

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