[Critique Group 1] cleora's notes for March

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

I don't think I ever sent my notes for the March session. So, just in case, here they are.

[comments for DeAnna
There might be some copyright considerations with putting the song lyrics in.
The story of the new dogs grief 
at separation from his trainer 
paralleling your own loss 
brought tears to my eyes.
I recently attended a webinar by Leader Dog 
where they discussed how they try to match people with the right dog.
Isn't it interesting that they chose this dog for you at that time.
I laughed out loud at Olsen's attempt to take you over the sofa.
Or, could he have been getting a better view of the layout?
In a way, I can sympathize with people who fear dogs. 
at the same time, I'm angry at coworkers that are so insensitive to your needs.
of course, we know they were never in any danger.
I wonder if the ADA, or sensitivity training might have helped.
I'm glad Olsen found a new satisfying service.
Perhaps it suited him even better. 
I love the way you include a life lesson from each dog.
I love the poem at the end.
With you and the others speaking of the attachment you have for each new dog, I wonder if I could deal with having a dog.

[comments for Sally
That ending is so sad and unexpected.
As I'm reading I'm wondering if the nursing home would permit a live dog.
I guess the word polish is the clue that the dog is not real.
Maybe a different word. or phrase it differently
Not sure if the dog is real or not.
The second stanza needs work.
Not sure why the - is there in line 3 of the second stanza.
I suggest start a new stanza 
take out the dash
begin with I brought my mother...
and next line like the fox terrier of her native
next line
who disliked being groomed
and divide up the following lines.
Try to keep stanzas to 3 or 5 lines since you started with 2 plus the repeating line

[comments for Leonard
LOL
I have a feeling there is something about Key Biscayne I don't know.
It is nonsensical.
I think I've had some conversations like this.
I enjoyed it.

[comments for Marsha
What we don't know is what would have happened if you hadn't medicated her.
I had a friend who had a similar struggle with her youngest daughter.
I recall her same struggles with giving her child a drug to calm her.
The child wasn't diagnosed until she was about 4 years old.
They didn't tell the child at the time what it was.
Only that she had to take her medicine.
The child remembered her difficulties before, and was happy to take the drug.
Later, we began to find articles about possible harm from the drug.
The sentence where you say your daughter was crying out for help
She makes clear to me now.
Doesn't read smoothly. Not sure what to do to it .
Maybe put the part she makes clear to you now, first.
This is a horror story.
What do you do when you know something is wrong, but the only thing doctors can come up with is drugs.
You may recall my telling you about my separation from conventional medicine.
I have a care giver that was not diagnosed with ADD until much later in life, and she has never been given drugs for it. She can’t remember instructions for simple tasks 2 seconds after I give them. She literally has to write down each part of the task to complete it. So, your daughters memory problem may have nothing to do with drugs. It is likely part of the ADHD. She simply can’t concentrate on what is being said long enough to hear and remember it.