[Critique Group 1] cleora's submission for october, 2018 session 1208 words

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

about the races.
I thought about this some. at first I thought maybe species instead, but I really didn't like that very much. Type might fit. 
I mainly want to distinguish the different provinces as being made up of different types of creatures that work together in spite of their different way of life and background. Each province has different types of creatures that have things in common.
Avian would be made up of creatures that can fly and live in or near the water. Thus the fish, and the insects, except for the ants.
For the undead - Regis is a vampire. His province might be made up of skeletons, zombies, and ghouls.
Halflings would have slightly deformed beings such as half-giants and dwarves some might be spearmen
faeries are fliers and magical. so their province would be creatures that are magicians and  beastmasters regardless of their form.

one change 
dog breath is now dickerbauch rundenase (because he is a short stocky dwarf with a rounded nose 

The story so far.

Sitting Duck, a visually impaired fowl who finds it difficult to do duck like things because of her poor sight, befriended a cripple grasshopper on her way walking south for the winter.
Grasshopper rides on top of her head and helps her by seeing for her.
During their journey, they come across a Crystal Pond. It turns out this body of water and crumbling castle are the ruins of a province formerly ruled by a human warrior. Her presence is quickly detected and she and grasshopper find themselves caught up in the drama of a kingdom made up of several provinces, each run by a different type of creature.
At a meeting, Sitting is elected Monarch of the realm, and now must solve the problem of the enemy kingdom, Silent Enigma, that is bent on taking over the kingdom or destroying it if they don't surrender.
In our last episode, Sitting gained the respect of the other rulers by defeating the dragon sent by the enemy kingdom as well as the army sent against her province.
But, what if she fails? Will the other rulers turn on her? Does she have what it takes to rule a province and save a kingdom?
A feast was held to celebrate the killing of the dragon, and she learned much from the rulers that attended the party.
She has just been awakened by the Queen Bee who brings urgent information about what has been happening.

1208 words
Part Five
Bad to Worse

"Yesterday, late, We received a shipment of 4183 Runes from Dark Legion in the kingdom of Hades Legions (1:48).
"We also received a shipment of 1,000 bushels from the Flatulent Legion in the kingdom of Hades Legions 
"You already know about our victory against the Forces from gotar in the kingdom of Silent Enigma. We have been able to utilize many of the spoils captured in that battle. We were wondering what you would like to do with the horses since we have no need for them.
"during the night, we received a total of 100,000 Gold Coins, 2,000 soldiers, 277 Runes, and 50,000 bushels of grain from various members of the kingdom.
"May 4th We detected five spell attempts by Achlamar of Silent Enigma, causing trouble on our lands! To the best of our knowledge, all attempts failed.
"Enemy thieves came during the night and stole half of our stores including all the left over dragon meat before we caught them. One of them talked. They were from Mroaden of Silent Enigma. 
"It appears that Mroaden of Silent Enigma may also be responsible for the vermin eating away our remaining food supply. 
"We think Fens of Silent Enigma was responsible for two fireballs which burned several acres of land and killed 989 peasants.
"The school of fish created a mighty hurricane to smother the flames. I regret to report that the lead fish and several hundred of her subjects died in the operation.
"We detected two spell attempts by Farius of Silent Enigma. We believe he is responsible for a storm that is destroying our crops.
"We contacted Dark Merlin. He wasn't able to negate the storm spell, but he did manage to cast fertile lands on our province. This should help to negate the effect of the storms.
"That is the news since my liege retired.
"Also, the CBM is beeping. You have an urgent message.”

“Thank you,” Sitting said, as she came out from under the bed. Grasshopper took up his position, and they made their way to the control room.

Indeed, the crystal ball was blinking and emitting a chiming noise. Walking over to it, she stroked the base with the tip of her wing.

“You have 5 messages, my liege. Three are new."

“Read message one.”

"On April 24, at 15:00 we received this note.
To the Honorable Queen Sitting Duck
Please attend a meeting at my castle this afternoon to discuss what to do about Silent Enigma.
Signed, Sir Dragon of Legacy of Dragons in the kingdom of Hades Legions."

“That must be about yesterday's meeting. Read number two.”

"On May 1, YR2 at 4:00 we received this note...
To The Honorable Queen Sitting Duck
A Queen after 2 kings?
It looks like your kingdom doesn't know what to do.... As you might have noticed, we're even getting bigger than you, and the war meter hardly changes....
I'll give you some advice as a former king: Hit that surrender button! It's better for your health, and that of your kingdom!
Signed, Sir Fly the Rogue of Farius in the kingdom of Silent Enigma "

“You have one more new message.”

“Read it.”

"On May 8th, YR2, we received this note...
To The Honorable Queen Sitting Duck,
At the moment we are 'building up' 2 of our core attackers. If you don't want to be razed to the ground, along with your KD, surrender.
Signed, The Humble Sir Taran of Spielburg of Achlamar in the kingdom of Silent Enigma "

Sitting recognized the names of two of the messages as being from enemy provinces in the report from Queen Bee. 
She hopped down from the chair and waddled over to the window. When she pushed open the shutters, A thick smell of smoke came through the window on the light breeze, making her cough. 
“The once beautiful forest with its tall green trees is now mostly chard barren smoldering sticks,” said grasshopper. “The pond is littered with ash and bodies of dead fish.” 

“And, The stores from the aid, battle, and dragon are gone," Sitting said mournfully. “With the carrier Dark Merlin made, we could just fly away. You could pull the visor down, and we would be invisible. No one would see us leave. We could just go the same way we came.”

"We could do that," said grasshopper.

"Come to think of it, how did we get here, anyway? Did you see anything different to show we were crossing into a different world?"

Grasshopper said nothing.

"Do you think we could get out the same way? Could we fly south until we got out?” 

Grasshopper said nothing.

But, she thought, what about the people here? They were depending on her. They had sent her aid. They had helped her understand about the land. Unlike her family who had abandoned her when she couldn't keep up, they had helped her. At home, the other ducks had often snatched up food before she could get to it. But, if she stayed, would she survive? Would she be able to live up to their faith in her? What if she didn't? Would they turn on her then?
She turned toward the door to go down to the pond.

“Why don't we try flying down?" asked grasshopper.

Sitting stopped, and turned back to the window. It was large enough for her to go through. She considered the idea. “Okay,” she said, hopping up on the sill. Spreading her wings, she launched herself into the air as grasshopper raised the shield on the carrier.
Instantly, her vision sharpened. She was able to see the pond and the destruction around her land. For the first time in her life, she experienced what it was like to see clearly. She flew directly for the bank of the pond. Her bill dropped open as she twisted her head first one way and the other looking at everything. “I can see.” Fascinated she started looking all around. The edges of the charred trees were sharp and clear. She could even make out the forms of the dead fish floating on the surface of the pond. Then she looked up at the clouds. They were so fluffy and light.

Grasshopper shifted his position to look around the edge of the shield refocusing on the pond.
“Look out!” 

Sitting snapped her head forward which caused grasshopper to be looking to the side instead of at the pond. Grasshopper shifted to face forward again in time to see the bank of the pond coming up to quickly for them to avoid a clumsy three point landing. Sitting’s webbed feet collided with the ground. The point of her bill struck the ground and sank halfway down into the soft dirt. A small divot of dirt flew into the air as her feet skidded and she flipped over landing on her back in the muddy edge of the pond. 
“Oomph,” said Sitting, rolling over, shaking out her feathers, and staring stunned at nothing in particular.

On impact, grasshopper shot out of the carrier and flipping over, landed tail first in the mouth of a fish that poked its head up at that moment.

“Help!” yelled grasshopper. “I'm being eaten.”
To be continued