[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on Salley

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

As usual, yourpiece is real. It comes right from the gut and heart, and there isn’t anybullshit. It is a mirror into part of the writers world.  I’ve made some suggestions that fit my taste,but the piece is great just the way it is.




 



 
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LETTING Go AND HOLDING ON

 

 

When winter comes, I clean my home 

And turn to face Spring with a lighter load.

Andturn to Spring with a lighter load. 



(Leaveout, “turn to).



In old age I need less

Of life’s daily clutter:

Cherished books now sit on friends’ shelves

Leaveout (now).



Or hide like gems in library book sales.

My size six jeans go to a thrift shop

Along with my hope of being so slender again.

Youcan leave out (again)



My sofa and dishes will outlive me,

And I don’t want the trendy coffeemaker myhusband covets.


 


 

What I long to keep slips through 

my hands at an alarming speed:

Leaveout (an).



My husband sinks deeper into depression andpain.

Two more friends tell me of advanced cancers.

Cats and dogs I still miss are ashesunderground

Youcan leave out (still).  If youmiss them, than you still do.



But for Laurence who lovingly guides me

Through life’s real and metaphorical mazes.

 

I hold today in cupped hands, grateful for

One more day to fill with kindness

And prayers for all our aging selves.

Thislast line really hits home.



 
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