[Critique Group 1] Cleora's notes for October

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

comments for Leonard
I suggest a question mark at the end of the first line instead of a comma.
A period after "Just label it political"
I agree with what you are saying, but it doesn't flow as well as I would like for the kind of things I read.
You could apply this same idea to "prejudice"
If someone disagrees they are prejudice, homophobic, racist, or one of the other labels that is used to avoid honest rhetoric
When political correctness first raised its ugly head, it seemed like a good idea.
Now, I think it is probably largely  responsible for the divisions among us. Everything has a label.

[comments for Marsha
Not sure what this is talking about.
A romance betrayal?
Some secret hidden personal problem?
What are you talking about?
Now that I know the story behind  it, It makes more sense.
The hint of what happened is there, but without the explanation I could not put the pieces together correctly.
It is clearly a painful event that remains unresolved.
I think it would help to make the homecoming more pronounced.
The poem talks about “courting. But, i think the event seems to have happened after you were married. I think this is what makes it confusing.
The  bones are still in the closet. This is like what I have read about elephant graveyards where the bones lie exposed on the ground rather than buried in the ground. A very good analogy.
I would be tempted to bring them out for a ceremonial burning to release the pain. Not sure I would be able to actually do that.
I would want the murderer to see it happen to impress upon him the depth of his abuse and hurt.
This might also cause him to come out and express the reason for his behavior.
But, Leonard is the counselor.

[comments for Salley
I think of the old lady that told the young produce man. "I', 84. I don't even by green bananas anymore."
Time to downsize and get ready to move on.

[comments for Deanna
I liked that you started this with a poem.
These 2 lines seem to be saying the same thing.
regrets for what was
sorrow for what has ended.
Her heart struggles to open,
maybe heart struggling to open,
...me it was a man usually wearing a hat staring at us.
I think there should be commas setting off "usually wearing a hat"
...strictly enforced if he is to remain ...
You have been referring to the dog a she. now you say "he" 
I think continuing to use she would sound better. The switch to he gives the reader a jolt.
It's sounding like elderly women or women in general have it in for you. 
I had to read the part where Kassie explains to Irish about the walk sign a couple of times to understand what was happening.
You start by saying Kassia leaned down to talk to Irish. Consider breaking up the quote with a description of her straightening and changing her focus to you before completing the quote.
The reference to the other guide dog at the end is odd but it seems to work ok.
I don't feel the connection with Irish that I did with the other dogs.