[Critique Group 1] Sally's February 2018 comments

[Sally Rosenthal]

Sally's critiques of February 2018 pieces

Deanna: This chapter is a huge contrast to other chapters in that it is
hilariously funny and full of joy and celebration. While reading it, I
thought it would make a good screenplay. The scenes and sounds were so
vivid. I don't have any real criticism.

Cleora: I was hungry for sweet potato pie by the time I finished reading. I
found the creative substitutions for food allergies interesting and useful.
However, I was rather uncertain of the author's audience. I also found
several repetations of ingredients and cooking instructions. I feel the
piece could be tightened up by placing the ingredients before the cooking
instructions as is usually done in cook books or recipes. I also think that
mentioning other milk substitutes for soy milk such as almond, rice, or
coconut milk would have been helpful as would have been mentioning the
possible use of other sugar substitues such as Splenda.

Marcia: When I worked as an occupational therapist, many of my patients had
bipolar disorder, and a good friend also has this disorder. So, I knew,
perhaps more than the average reader, what the author was describing. Still,
she managed to do a good job of describing the illness's effects on daily
life for the person and family members. I think the piece could be improved
by giving a bit more clinical background such as the disorder's brain
chemistry and the various medications and treatments available. It would
also bring the couple more to life if some real  outcomes of the manic phase
were fully described - i.e., what happened to all the plans for reunions,
etc., how did buying new items cause or not cause financial strain? I would
also like to know if the author ever looked into support groups for spouses.

Leonard: Good imagery and rhyming. My favorite image was of the mare's
resting her head on the poet's shoulder.

 

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