[Critique Group 1] Critiques for January 2018

[DQ Noriega]

Marcia,

The Reporter

You did an excellent job of describing the feel of a small town.

indicated the end with a "30"

might need some explanation of the "30"

heads lifting and turning as we flew out the front

door. It isn't clear whose heads lifted and turned. Perhaps, 

heads lifted and turned to follow us as we flew out the front door.

Churning out term papers couldn't have prepared me for rural life in small
town America. "couldn't have? Perhaps hadn't 

Ended sort of abruptly, so I imagine this is the beginning of a longer
piece.

 

Sally,

A Random Act Of Pasta

 

but a few hours in a cheerful atmosphere and a meal I didn't have to prepare
or clean up lifted my spirits as

the hostess led us to our table.

This seems like a run-on sentence. I would end it before the word (but) with
a period. Then drop the (but) and say something like: The thought of a few
hours in a cheerful atmosphere and a meal I didn't have to prepare or clean
up lifted my spirits. Drop the last about the waitress taking to your table.

The rest of the vignette was well written as usual!         

 

Leonard

Love is Blessed with Salty Tears

I am afraid I couldn't quite connect with this one and  I am unsure of the
meaning of the title. Maybe something like "the balm of tears, or sea-salt
tears referring to the sea as the origin of life?

. It seemed too high-brow and obscure. That is probably me though. There
were some lovely word combinations even if I couldn't quite follow the
meanings.

 

Cleora

An Inconvenient Partner

This seems awkward to me.

Finding the air pump he aired up the tires. He found the pump and put air in
the tires?

I don't think this adds new information and it moves rather slow. If you
mean to introduce a potential hazard to John's explorations, he could just
as easily met him running cross country or riding his bike out to hide it at
the original buildings. Too much empty dialogue. 

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